The Supermanns

11 things about me ( and you?)

2012-02-12T10:06:00.000-08:00

Ok, my friends, here is a game for you ( if you're so inclined). My children have just settled down for a long winters nap ( God willing)...and i am all nestled in sweater and cap ...ready to blog baby! Amanda Williams, my lovely friend, tagged me in this "11 things about me and (you?)" blog game. She asked her blogger friends these 11 questions, and then I am supposed to tag 11 others with new questions. I'm afraid i only have 11 people who read this blog so "TAG, YOU'RE IT" ( if you want to be) ......here we go.....

11 things about me ( Asked by Amanda Williams...good ones Amanda)

1. Did you have a nickname as a child? What was it?

i had two:

a. "AC" ....my initials for my first and middle name. Amanda Christine. i loved when my mom would call me this.

b. "Bertha" and i would call my best friend "Gertrude".......( us silly kids)

2. "What movie can you quote best"

Anchor Man........" Oh Baxter, you are my little gentleman"

3. What was your favorite past time in middle school?

hmmmmmm. teasing and spraying my 80's hairdo, singing 80's songs.....maybe a little break dancing

4. what did you want to be in high school when you grew up?

a singer (and if they could see me now....ha ha.....)

5. Are you afraid of heights?

not really....

6. What was the highlight of your week?

When the stomach bug LEFT our house. GOOD-RIDDANCE! ( and by the way..i looked up how to spell the word "riddance" and this is correct! Who knew? maybe you did know. I am an English major that spells remarkably horrible.

7.what is your favorite city?

Nash-vegas baby!. i love how this city feels like a small town and a city at the same time. i do miss water so much that i may have answered a beach city if i knew of one.

8.What's the best concert you've ever been to?

oh! i love music and there have been so many good ones. But the one that stands out is the the solo performance by imogen heap. My mouth never shut the whole time...she must have thought i was singing along...but i was in utter shock that she could do all that by herself ( GO GIRL)...and write all those counter melodies..etc. etc....simply brilliant...dont get me started...

9. If i gave you the day off, what would you do?

Today i will answer, : "sit in silence by the ocean water. Maybe with a good book in tote."

10. In your opinion, what is the best song to roller skate to?

"Pour some sugar on me" by Def leppard

11. What are you doing after this?

getting lunch ready for Kevin as he comes home from work. ( re-heating chipoltle leftovers) Whoot Whoot.

11 QUESTIONS FOR YOU PEOPLE:

1. The second home you'd prefer; Beach house , lake house, or tree house?

2. If you could be an Olympic Athlete tomorrow ( no training required..it came naturally), which sport would you pick?

3. If you had $100,000 to spend in one store...which store would you pick?

4. Back scratch preferred or foot massage?

5. Which song is out there that you wish you had written?

6. What are you planning to make/or do for dinner tonight?

7. What ONE word best describes the season your heart is in?

8. What is the type of flower you'd prefer to get for Valentine's Day?

9. Who was your elementary school crush?

10. If given the gift of "sleeping in" or "laundry being done" for an entire year...which one would you pick?

11. What is one event you are looking forward to this spring?

Happy 2nd Birthday Amos!!!

2012-02-06T12:19:00.001-08:00

You are TWO now. You are a delight. We love you Amos Mann. You seem like such a lover of life and it spreads to those around you. You love bugs and critters and basketball and then BASKETBALL some more!!! You love anything Bennett loves; you love baths and hugs and ICE CREAM and people. You seem at home with everyone; you talk alot. Your laugh is like nothing i've ever heard.. belly deep and scratchy toned contagious through and through. Its hard to be sad around you...you call forth silliness and joy. Not all the time. Sometimes, my little hornet, you can be a handful, swingin' punches and spittin' mad). You have no boundries and i'm convinced i've saved your life ten million times by now. I love you so. You call for "Muma" and "papa" with a deep tone like a teenager. It makes us laugh even in the gray morning hours. I scoop you up and "squeeze-pop" hug you while you talk and talk and talk through the pacifier explaining elaborate plans or dreams( although i cant understand). Your green eyes are wide with wonder. May you always be filled with wonder.You run a lot and fall alot. You laugh a lot and cry a LOT!!! May you remain passionate in this life of yours. Very happy when happy , very sad when sad ( like my mama described me). You cuddle when you want to....may you always allow LOVE to come and hold you. ...and guide you. You are so loved. Happy 2nd birthday Amos Mann...

Me and My dad

2012-01-31T19:05:00.001-08:00

I remember this day with my dad. It was so much fun. We were at the lake with my mom and sister when we found this piece of styrofoam. The styrofoam became our boat, the sticks became oars, and the lake became a glassy road. I guess i was a little older than Bennett in this photo? Ah. memories. ( i can hear the song "memories" playing in my head as i type now). I have a lot of great memories from my childhood. I am thankful. I am thankful for this photo. I wonder what memories our boys will have? Sometimes, I'm not sure what keeps the memories alive, the pictures or the magnitude of the moments. Both i guess. Nevertheless, i think its another reason i am excited about taking photos. They are gateways into memories. They have the power to stop the clock, the continuous tick and tock.

i showed this picture to Bennett today and he told me he remembered this day too because he was in my belly then. Hmmmm. We had a long discussion about how only older women can carry babies. and now, this photo has taken on even a new memory .

Bennett told me that he liked Grandpa when he was this person in the picture and that he likes grandpa as the person he is now. Even i cant understand how we are the same person as what the picture shows so many years ago. But we are....and we arent i guess. anyway.....i am thankful for this picture that captured this moment with my dad. that helped me remember....

I miss the Song

2012-01-24T20:24:00.000-08:00

( Photo by Carrie Buell)

Always the song has been in my heart. When i was little..I sang most in wide open spaces, before blue stretches of ocean, or on long boat rides, or any place where the wind would catch my hair and lift my heart enough for the song to soar. My heart was so full and free. Now Amos does the same. It makes me smile...He is so unhindered and free to sing whatever is in his little 2 year old heart. For me, it seems the worries of the world have stollen my song. I sometimes get startled when i sing. ...when i hear my voice flow out and around like a dance. like the wind.....a song. ....it shocks me. My heart isnt tender to sing out..and so it seems forced to sing..it's so rare these days.
Nevertheless and just because, i have had gentle reminders that i am a singer. That i love it..and that's all it needs to be. Nothing more and nothing less. ...the song is still within and resting deep.

The Beauty and Mess of the morning

2012-01-18T14:38:00.001-08:00

I woke up wanting to capture the day with camera. The beauty ...and the mess that goes before and behind it. (inspired by Flo Oakes blog...which was great. i dont know her..but i saw her blog posted on facebook.) any whey.....

I only got the chance to capture the morning...

Beauty: A black lab on white carpet
Mess: Black hair stuck in white carpet

Beauty: The boys pretending to read together
Mess: This event happens after we watch WAY too much T.V. this morning

Beauty: Amos wants to look at more books
Mess: He falls off the stool after i take this photo

Beauty: This old home came with the most beautiful chandeliers in it

Mess: This old home is settling and some walls are cracking..YIKES

Beauty: We have a new family member ..blue and beautiful named "Rocks"
Mess: Mama has one more thing to clean

Beauty: Naked boy from shower ( so cute)
Mess: His hand is in the fish bowl

Beauty: Nouvelle candle burning "Crepe Myrtle"...( best smell ever)
Mess: Burned to cover up poopy diaper smell

Beauty: Little boy fresh from the shower...dressed and ready for story time at Library
Mess: Little boy throws major tantrum in car to the library wanting his itchy sweater off

10 Happenings

2012-01-13T12:46:00.000-08:00

A lot happens round' these parts....but i mostly blog only when the creative juices are flowing. Today they arent flowing, but i just want to write down what's been happening..

1. Bennett has been giving up naps. i love this little man, but Mama has to find creative ways to get sanity and rest during the day. Today i had Bennett play with his truck in remnants of snow...while i jumped rope and threw the ball with our dog in between catching my breath. I took the boys to the YMCA this morning to do my Friday Zumba dancing ( which truly makes me smile, laugh, get in shape, and feel normal again).....but alas, Bennett cried the whole time and i couldnt leave him in the nursery. So we just played together. A date.
2. Speaking of dates....i plan to take Bennett to see his 3rd movie ever in a Theatre on Monday... BEAUTY AND THE BEAST 3D. I get to go with one of my young life girls, Kat, that moved up here and we've become better friends.
3. Speaking of friends. One of my very best friends, Charla, packed up her beautiful family and moved to St. Louis a few days ago. The Cerveny's were a close part of our lives here in Nashville for about 10 years!!! They are heading to seminary. I know GOD has good things in store....but alas, my heart is deeply missing them ...and will continue to. Missing them seems to swell up in my heart from time to time and pour out my eyes. I never know when it will happen. When i'm watching Friday Night Lights, at the grocery store, talking with someone else..etc. There is noone like Charla. I miss her. Seems like GOD keeps moving my best friends away from here. Boo hoo.
4. Kevin remains leading worship for our church Midtown Fellowship...He does a great job, and it's using so many of his talents. He is walking with such great men.The church and community are slowly teaching me that we "ARE" the church. We dont just "ATTEND" church. I can honestly say this is the first time in my life where i BADLY WANT to go to church every Sunday and get sad if i miss it. The people around us are friends...not just people. Our church just spilt in two since it was growing too large for tight community. We lost some really great members in that transition. Another loss. There is a season for every activity under the sun. a time to gain and a time to loose. I feel like i'm in a season of loosing.
5. We are still loving our small group of 3 years now. Meeting every other Thursday and it's been nothing short of a gift. If GOd changes this on us in the next year....i think i will have a fist fight prayer session with Him.
6. Speaking of fist fights. Amos is a feisty little fellow. He and Bennett have already hit eachother. WITH FISTS!! oh my. My nickname for Amos is " " LIttle HORNET'.....because he gets mad like a hornet...and he gets mad FAST! He doesnt go down without a fight.....and i mean fight. He swings punches at mommy and whomever is not letting him have his way. He is getting used to the time out chair. He is smart and LOVES CRITTERS ( like my dad does). Anything alive, he is fascinated by. He has such wonder and delight going on in his eyes and heart. I am in love.
7. I am in love with Kevin...more and more with time. He has SO many amazing qualities still unfolding. He is patient with me...never harsh. ( or if he is...i know i've REALLY MESSED UP) ha ha. He works so hard for us....Church and real estate. 2 almost full time jobs. UG! i wish i could help financially and am praying towards that.
We celebrate 10 years in May and we are hoping to go to Mexico perhaps??? this keeps changing...but that's is what we are hoping for as of today...
8. I hope to begin a recycling business....., take pictures for people....and keep working on music whenever i can. These are dreams in my heart....they may not come to fruition...but at least im dreaming again.
9. There is a season for every activity under the sun....a time to mourn and a time to dance. YAHOO...tonight Kevin and i are gonna dance. Well, I will. Kevin doesnt like to dance. It's The Jars of Clay POST-emptive New Years party, and i'm excited to ring in the New YEAR.(late) with some friends and some wine and my man.
10. " a blee....a blee.....a bleee...that's all folks"

For now, i can fix it....

2011-12-18T13:13:00.000-08:00

Little bumps and little hurts. Little hands reach up for me...."Holdchu...Holdchu...mommy".
For now i can scoop you up and kiss away tears. For now i can fix it.
Oh, chubby bundle in my arms....i'll "holdchu..holdchu" as long as you'll let me.
Too soon you wiggle away...on with your day, on with exploring ...
moving away..moving away.. from dependence .
But when the world is too large, too scary....too much , too soon. You come back...
"Holdchu...holdchu mommy". you cry
and yes i will....I'm only steps away.
Little toy breaks and tears start to fall, for now i can fix it.
Little tired boy with binky and blanky crying for rest....i can fix it.
Grumbling tummy, feelings that hurt, nose that is runny, growing in spurts, for now i can try to fix it.
Your world is these rooms, this mommy and daddy, this Bennett brother, this dog.
Too soon you will grow past these walls and this place where i can easily run to reach you .....
and try to fix it.

Repeat the Sounding Joy....Repeat the sounding joy...

2011-12-15T09:49:00.000-08:00

I guess i would say i'm in the Christmas Spirit this year. There has been enough space alloted, enough time given ( God bless my husband and dad who watched the kids) to take a deep breath and inhale Christmas. i can feel the little twinkling of light in my heart. It's more like L-E-D light....dim, but lasting. I needed God to lead me by green pastures ( or open skies in the airplane) and still waters ( quiet space with no kids) to begin to enjoy it this season. Maybe too, it's because my mom put together a girls trip to New York where we got to see Christmas decorations sparkling in windows, where the Rockett's proclaimed Christmas with dancing legs and Nativity Scenes., where presents were bought for others. Maybe it's because my boys are getting to the point of understanding; Or because old hymns invite me to remember to: "repeat the sounding joy..repeat the sounding joy, repeat...repeat...the sounding joy. Joy to the world, The Lord is come..let earth receive her king." Around my house there are twinkling lights because of it, candles light up against dark windows, Christmas pine aroma..stockings hung. Of course its not all twinkling lights and candy canes around here. The stomach bug is visiting us now. Amos is sleeping off a vomit filled morning while i race against time to write. Stress seems to barge into every happy moment i have making it's home in my face that scrunches up too often, i am MORE THAN less enjoyable to be around... Lots of the time....YIKES. We are spending WAY too much money, and i feel certain the checkout workers can hear my heart pounding when i hand them our debit card.
But alas.....10 more days till Christmas! i need to "repeat the sounding joy ...repeat that sounding joy...repeat .repeat the sounding joy". "Santa" is able to come to our house because of Christ's love... even if he couldnt make it down our chimney this year ...still Christ's love. I breathe and have three beautiful boys that breathe under my roof because of Christ's love. If i was alone....even still it would be Christ's love. I whisper to myself..."repeat, repeat the sounding joy".

The small twinkles in my heart....the brief spaces of time alloted have allowed me to create.......ah! i LOVE TO CREATE!!!!. Here are a few creations....a few heart stirrings with the CHRISTmas spirit...

May you have a MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS and take time to "repeat the sounding joy"......
Mom, Amy, Ashyln and i in Times Square

I got to meet Elmo and Cookie monster

Amy, Mom and Ashy at the top of the world

Tall buildings

Windows decorated

And New York just wouldnt be the same without the "Naked cow boy"...relax..he had his underwear on.

Little Mason Jars filled with little cookies

Christmas wreath made of green wrapping paper...:easy to do..just cut lots of strips and curl them, then glue or staple to a wreath you can make from card board

Stockings made from old sweaters

presents wrapped

Pictures i enjoyed taking

My lovely sister Amy

2011-11-28T13:38:00.000-08:00

Amy and Scott

The family

Brother and Sister

Ashlyn

AMy and Mason

Mason and Scott with their dog "Hannah"

She is something wonderful; this big sister of mine. Amy has always been a light in my life. Giving encouragement, ideas and help. A fan. She was like a second mama to me... taking good care of me. Except when she wouldn't share her toys or let me pal around with her friends. ( i have a cut on my finger to prove that one..haha inside family joke)..and she'd get mad when i wore her brand new clothes before she did. I mean.."come on, Amy!". She is beautiful and smart. I mean REALLY smart and beautiful ( inside and out). I guess you can't be smart on the outside, but you can look it. And she does. She does Yoga...and can instruct it of course. She's cool to be around. She's not normal. She's AB-normal...Capital A and B. In a good way. I was always abnormal in a weird way. Capital A and B! So this was enough to make a little sister jealous. Truthfully though, she and my parents did a good job of encouraging me enough so i didn't grow up too jealous. I had a role model....she had a shadow. The differences we had ...we learned to dance in. Now as i grow up, i realize we are not AS different as we thought. And so, that means if she is wonderful, than i am kinda wonderful too.....just kidding. Amy loves her family. She took such good care of her baby dolls growing up...that i knew she'd be a good mama to humans. She is a good mama. and sister and daughter. She is a teacher. She is a giver. i Love my sister.....She is a good one.
( she is also the reason i'm taking pics these days. i am aware that i have a LOT to learn...these pics are kinda bright.

Today

2011-11-15T21:12:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was all blue sky and puffy white. Warmth and kind wind. Whispering hello then leaving again. playful blue and happy white...
But not today........ The gray came after the blue...
Gray filling up clouds too proud... pride came tumbling down.... pounding rain..waking weary sleepers in dark midnight hours. Early birds wake and tell mama "I'm hungry".
We make cereal and watch cartoons. Daddy helps dress ...one foot, then two. and i make the lunches and sing

"rain, rain go away...little johnny wants to play"

Amos cries and throws tantrums despite efforts...Bennett joins in that fun. We get them strapped into the car one by one. Off to school.
They are tired little birds. We are tired too...

Nevertheless..Off to work ..off to school ..off to errands despite the pull i feel towards YOU.
Long drive in warm rain, cold is pushing it's way through again. old gospel hymns and preacher man calls me to remember.
i remember. I can feel that tug..i am turning my gaze, my heart that way. Amidst errands I turn to YOU. Nothing else will do today. i can feel it becoming that way.

You Mighty One, Your pull is steel blue strong....the rain will pass on...and again I will see.

"rain rain go away...come again another day"

Tour the new school, pick up kids.."Hello-goodbye" to friends. so much on my heart..
sign up "parent -teacher" chart
Bennett dresses up like spider man and simply will not change ...."very well then"...
Back at home...i try to clean. Mama bird is being mean. i recompose..i fight to gaze the right Way.
Restaurant waiting time is long. We wait with brother-in-law. Spider man's tummy growls
Restless toddlers, cheese dip falls, conversations attempted, bathroom stalls..
Let's go home now.

Blue lights flash behind ..mama ran the light red. Today will do all it can.. Where was my gaze then? I am sad i ran red.So sad i put little birds in harms way. Are You The Mighty One today?
Officer with flashlight...stern harsh voice asking things..tears fall in the rain. $50 less to my name.
Today will do its best.

"Home again home again jiggity jig...." little tantrum-ing birds finally all tucked in..

i am here thinking it all through again as the clock strikes 12...and this day ends...

Happy 35th Birthday, Kevin

2011-11-12T11:54:00.001-08:00

Here is our small group: Kellie, ( Jeremy is on the road playing drums), Talitha, Billy, Charla, Dave, Emily, Hal, Tiffany, Paul, Kevin, me

Ah horses! I love em'. Kevin loves em. i guess i don't know many who don't love horses. There is something majestic about them. There's something about looking eye to eye with a large animal and then RIDING it! My horse was brown with white patches named "Patches". Kevin's horse kicked all the other horses and was named "Stormy". Kevin turned 35 in October and our small group planned a horseback riding trip in his honor. It's been hard in this coffee drinking, philosophic thinking town to do much of what makes Kevin's soul sing. Music is here; YES!!! but he misses all things active and full of energy..things athletic, things OUTDOORS. Our small group agreed. We all needed to play again. Without our children. We needed to feel adventure, feel fear and awe outside windows and doors, we needed to step out of comfortable homes and up onto horses...to be carried by the weight of something larger than us,rather than us carrying weight and obligations. If even just for 2 hours. We needed time to ride through yellow sunlit woods and leave cares on open fields...to run with the horses..to hear laughter come up from our own souls... We needed a change of scenery. WE needed each other. We needed our families and babysitters too. Kevin and i were blessed to have my parents come visit and watch our kids....we were blessed to ride horses with our friends. Amist this season of tending to little sheep. MAN! Parenting is HARD!. We sensed God's grace. i sensed the verse to be true that says..."GOD gently leads those who have young.." i felt that on my horse named "patches"...that gentle leading. I think Kevin felt it too...maybe we all did. Happy 35th Birthday, Kevin.

Welcome November!

2011-11-01T19:18:00.000-07:00

Welcome November....i feel ready for you. Let October float away with it's windy orange and reds....let busyness fall to the ground. November, I feel ready for you. You turn cold and gray. like an old, wise soul beckoning us to cover up and slow down. We inhale deep, and pace to the slower rhythm of a resting heart rate. Pulse.......pulse..... pulse. i see the chest rise up and down. i hear the breath inhale..then out. November, i welcome you.
Come yellow leaves that crunch under feet..feet that pace slower but deep. Deeper into leaves, deeper into thought, deeper into homes lit up with light. Push Push away the night...deeper into homes with feasts celebrating need. The need for each other. The need for Light.
Come strings of light on front porches...come thankful hearts that also hurt. Humanity living together under roofs.
Come pumpkin, maple, cinnamon flavored things....spice and warmth in my hand... in my drink
Welcome November circling wind and chill...the rain that falls and fills. Sometimes so cold it turns to floating white....hushing quiet the sky.

Little snap shots

2011-10-20T12:12:00.001-07:00

I want to start learning how to take better pics...practice and research and FEEDBACK may help i hope.These are a few pictures i got to take of The Burden family ( minus one...Dave the daddy who was at work). This is Emily, Hudson (5) and Parker (3). They are adorable, sweet, and active boys to try and capture by camera. Some pics are the same ones, but just different coloring/effects

And yet, the spring of water wells up within

2011-10-04T10:52:00.000-07:00

i have a small fever today. 101.2 the thermometer keeps telling me. i can't stop taking my temperature because it offers me some type of empathy. ha ha. If i can't have my mama..i can at least have the thermometer. It's like a little friend that tells me "yes, i know you don't feel well. i read your pain". Whenever i get the illness that my kids just had, my first thought is "Oh wow....they really were sick and had a reason to be so fussy". Amos had a reason to pitch a fit at Puckett's restaurant yesterday on our little family date. He had reason to kick his legs and arch his back as i put him in the high chair before the meal he would soon vomit up. He had good reason to not finish the $5 food we bought him. And that reason came out in projectile form all over our kitchen floor soon after. At that very moment our neighbors' dog, that we are taking care of, licked it up while i yelled "NO...go away Zoe..! " and Amos screamed terror from what just unvoluntarily happened to his little body. Bennett swung open the back door yelling "Daddy! come watch me play drums", and Kevin calmly assured Amos it would be ok while bringing him to the bath.
A day in the life. Life....life is crazy huh?
I am thankful for my boys. Thankful still.......Thankful for the moments that bring me to need. To realize i need Him. I need Him. I will always, always need Jesus.
The sickness in my body, the war inside that is leaving me warm and achy is also hushing the worries of the world that tug at my sleeves...( the laundry, the dishes, the hedges that need trimming, the kids crying, the projects un-finished, esp. my first photo shoot that i so wanted to edit today with my new photoshop tools (those will be featured soon)...but not today....
no not today. Today i open the Word and rest in bed a moment. I would not have come here otherwise. If not for the fever and aches calling me to lie down in fields of white sheets and puffy pillows....
i open and read..John 4

"everyone who drinks water will become thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water i give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water i give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life"

i think a moment. Never thirst? i still thirst for so much of the wrongs to be made right in this world, in my world...i still thirst. But actually deep deep inside. i guess i don't to some degree. Also...springs of living water welling up?
I wouldn't call my life a "Spring of living water"...haha.
but actually deep deep down. i feel a small welling up. a tiny current collecting that from time to time does flow over. but just from time to time. It seems a welling over outside my control and that's nice. From time to time.

The little guy sleeps now. He's all tucked under covers with pacifier in mouth and a black eye from falling on the playground. Sweet Aimes, rest well my love, my sweet growing baby.

Soon the hour will come to pick up Bennett at Mother's Day out. The car will get loud with requests, and hungry tummy's will growl. Two barking dogs will greet us at the gate and caos will return to the Mann household till about 7:30 pm. i too will bark, but bark commands to the kids. During all of this i want to remember what i learned in the quiet moment i shared here....

that yet, He says HE gives, (i dont conjure up),
a spring of water that wells up within....

Jar-O-Lanterns

2011-09-23T20:05:00.001-07:00

I grew up across the street from my best childhood friend, Sarah Baldwin. It was amazing having her in my life all those years. She was a soul mate. more than a sister it seemed. We looked nothing alike but made people call us "twins". She was a "tom boy" like me. We explored creeks and woods, and every facet of childhood together. We shared un-ashamedly. (ah!to be a child again...not afraid to get as close as possible to eachother). I giggled more in those years than i think i have at any other time in my life. I miss her. I miss childhood. Those memories were some of my very favorite...and will be forever. Her family and my family were close. We were inseparable and always at eachothers house. BEST FRIENDS FOREVER.......until puberty and her move away to Indiana. Boo HOO.i did boo hoo. I boo- hoo- hooo-ed! We still talk, and she will always be my friend. That blessing in my life makes me excited for Bennett. I am HEAD OVER HEALS excited to be living down the block from our neighbors "The Peters". Danielle is a good friend of mine. Eric is a good friend of Kevin's. They have two little boys the same age as our boys. Ellis (4) and Monroe (2). They couldnt be more of a blessing.. We trade babysitting, we walk to eachothers' house. Lend and borrow toys. food. stories. tears sometimes. Our boys say eachother's names as much as they say ours it seems!!!! WE LOVE THEM...praise GOD for these neighbors. Ellis is one of Bennett's best friends for sure. Today the boys came over while Danielle went to hear her hubby speak at an engagement. The morning went fine. In time, my ears grew tired of hearing the boys destroy "BAD GUYS" with light saber swords. So I attempted to quiet things down a bit and organize the situation by doing this fall project i saw in Southern Living magazine. I'm such a girl. But "a tom-boy girl". This project requires a jar and paint and a candle. Jar-0-Lanterns. HA HA!!! 4 toddler boys being forced to sit and paint. It was hilarious. They actually sat (accept Amos because he has something i call "a sitting problem"). They each took turns painting the apple sauce jars orange. i was impressed for about 2 minutes....until Ellis and Bennett had to jump up and "shoot bad guys", and play "critters", and "slice -em up with light saber swords.".....
Mama finished the project and i am happy with these little Jar-o-lanterns; Happy with the memory of this day; Happy with our lot in life that sits next door to "The Peters."

Brothers

2011-09-18T18:49:00.001-07:00

Exploring Creeks together

Holding Hands at the beach

" GOOOOOOO DAWGS SIC EM' WOOF WOOF WOOF"

Look at this Handsome little Fellow in his Sunday best today. Kevin informed me i dressed Bennett in a girls shirt today at church ( which i bought in the BOYS section at the store. i guess it got misplaced and i keep forgetting the buttons go in a different direction for girls..)..so anyway, he wasnt featured in this picture here. I will give away the shirt and maybe he will never know his mama dressed him like a girl.

Getting cozy with Footy pajamas and blankies in this fall weather

I went to the library the other day with the boys. I sat down and heard a whisper from behind: a mother to her child; "yes, i do see those twins?". I looked around and realized we were the only ones in the room. i looked at my blond haired boys and saw they looked about the same height. From behind, they do look a little like twins i guess.i was shocked how it took a stranger's comment to open my eyes to brotherhood....MY boys are brothers! They will walk together, fight together, make countless farting noises together, get dirty together, play ball together, gang up on others together, Gang up on each other, wrestle together, they will have someone to turn to in this life that knows their story, they will make fun of mom and dad together, Laugh and cry together...BROTHERS! What a sweet noun...i could see it as a verb even. an action. Im gonna brother you?...guess not a verb, but you know what i mean.
Before now i could never get pictures of them together. But lately, Amos has become a friend of Bennett's. The baby brother that became playmate all of a sudden. The
"twin" that shares his clothes and steals his food when he's not looking. The brother that cries for "Bit" all the time. (that is how Amos says Bennett). The little brother that sings the spider man theme song with him: "BIDERMEAN, BIDERMEAN' doing the things a Bider can....".

What a sweet gift to have eachother in this life. i hope and pray they will always see it as a gift.

Happy 4 Years Bennett!!!!

2011-09-07T18:02:00.000-07:00

This one is for you Bennett Davis Mann...( in case you ever want to read about your 4th birthday)

September, 7th 2007

I remember your first cry.....boy from my womb! You cried loud with independence and GOD's power was displayed! All on your own you drew breath and became separate from me. Just like that (well, 28 hours of labor and emergency C-section later.... just like that). But, there you were. and i can't remember when you weren't. Now you seem as part of me and my story, as does my arm or leg. What a gift you are! It's been awesome to spend my days with you for 4 YEARS!!!! To see you unfold slowly ..to see glimpses of your personality. What a gift these days have been..what a gift your dad has given me, working so hard so i could be home with you...( and Amos).We are getting to know you and finding you so true to your name...Bennett ( Benediction)....you are a blessing. We LOVE YOU....

At 4 years old: September 7th, 2011

You are smart. You figure things out fast. You put the puzzle pieces of life together well and ask wise questions. You LOVE to make people laugh. You TRY to make us all laugh. You have a sweet heart...thoughtful and mindful of other's feelings. You are ALL BOY...adventure and power. You love to wrestle, fight and pretend. Yet, you love to curl up to mama. Your cuddling has increased with each year. You used to not love to cuddle. You can get dirty but like to be clean. You follow rules ( it seems so far).You are a GREAT helper. You are pretty moody and particular. A "tortured artist" your preschool teacher called you. You think deep. Imagine big and play hard.You play well with others but love to play by yourself. You are good one on one. Your best friends are "Dylan", "Ellis", and "Emmy" from church, and "Henrietta", " Misha" and "Jasper" from school. Music moves you...esp beats and rhythms.
Your attention span for art projects, and coloring, drawing and reading books is sorta small ( at this point at least). Your attention span for imaginative play is HUGE...

"It is too small a thing"

2011-08-26T09:09:00.000-07:00

Isaiah 49:6 " It is too small a thing...."
The Lord says to Israel when He calls them to bigger things..more..and it gets me thinking

This morning came with gentle hands touch touch touching me awake..the sunlight through the curtains began the work of waking me before the 3 year old did (at 5:30 i must say).Bennett gently whispering in my ear..."mom, im hungry!"....the gentle words and slight 3 year-old morning breath coming closer to my face as the whispers get harsher, louder.."MOM! I'M HUNGRY!". Sleepy eyed and sluggish,i place one foot after the other onto hard wood floors. Mama wakes. Whispers exchange, food is served. The house is neutral gray as light wins its battle against darkness.

Bennett and i curl up on a couch together and watch a movie. Sweet moment...my eyes stay awake. "it is too small a thing" to choose sleep over holding my son close.

When all the boys wake we go to "The Biscuit House", and i wear my "East Nashville" T-shirt proud of our home and our lot in life at this moment.
Coffee and cream, eggs, grits, biscuits and gravy, pancakes...Bennett offers to put syrup on everyone's plate..OVER AND OVER AGAIN..
Amos whines for more pancakes, and i feel happy in this moment surrounded by my boys..the rich heritage from the Lord.
"it is too small a thing" to go about my day without thankfulness....thankfulness opens doors..invites...i am learning.

Amos is a chubby blond bundle of cuteness, and i literally cant help but scoop him up in arms and squeeze him till he makes a grunting noise.
"it is too small a thing"....how can i express how much i love this kid

Sometimes i see Bennett..all lanky and blond...miniature body with such adult comments flowing endlessly from his brain.....and i am enamored anew.
"it is too small a thing"...to merely write about this love...

Reading this morning in the Bible...(which is a rare moment that i should make happen much more than i do)
in Isaiah 49 it is talking of Israel being GOD's servant..things course through my mind as i read things like
"He made my mouth like a sharpened sword, in the shadow of His hand He hid me...made me into a polished arrow and concealed me in his quiver and He said to me 'you are my servant, Israel, in whom I will display My splendor'.....

"it is too small a thing for you to be my servant to restore the tribes of Jacob...i will make you a light for the Gentiles that you may bring my salvation to the ends of the earth."

"IT IS TOO SMALL A THING" God says....

i read more...i am intrigued today by those words and still want more...

Isaiah 49:16
" i have engraved you on the palms of my hands."

What another beautiful picture of permanency amidst the change HE calls forth.
He engraves Israel on the palm of His hands and calls them to new things...new places in life. I want to keep this knowledge with me throughout today. The thoughts that He loves me too like that. Permanently engraving me into His palm as i walk and experience feelings of this life being "too small"...."Not enough"......

He surely must know these wrestles we all deal with, the unsatisfactions....and yet the satisfactions that are overwhelming pointing us to something much greater than ourselves.....

hmmmmmm.

Retro Pictures of this summer ( from my i-phone)

2011-08-04T05:44:00.001-07:00

The Great Day Off

2011-07-23T19:39:00.000-07:00

Off work. ..mama gone for the day. Peace in the middle East...hasta luego little ones that i dearly love...but mama needs a break. She needs to hear herself think again...she needs: SILENCE!

yes, please.

no T.V. with cartoon-ish sound spilling forth to pacify kids while meals are cooked, no whining to find lost toys in hidden places, no crying for more juice or for no apparent reason, no quarrels that need the mama referee.

When Kevin took the boys out the door this 6 am morning, the house grew SILENT and i understood the weight of this gift being given to me.
it was heavy like a blanket..wrapping me warm. I crawled back into bed...under the white silence and fell back asleep.
When i woke, i woke to silence. No crying forced my eyes awake. ....
I woke when my body wanted....it was nice and it's been too long.

I jumped rope outside, i took a shower, i ate, i went to the bathroom all by myself with no little one asking me questions, i looked in the mirror and applied pink to my lips...the rhythm slow and steady...this too has been too long.
Mama dresses others now and not herself.

I pulled my red rusty bike out...finding out a bike is only as good as it's tires are pumped and it's lock only as good as the combination. Luckily, i found the pump and combo just before i gave up.
i rode the rusty old bike to a coffee shop. I'm rusty at this. A long ride. No hurry. No agenda. The breeze tickles my ears gently, i inhale summer deep... in the distance i hear a man walking and singing loudly out of tune to his music in headphones. i smile. I SMILE and could almost hear it come to my face ear to ear...i sensed my own smile. Not my childrens' smile...but my own. It was nice...it's been too long.

The coffee shop was crowded. I could almost hear my frown. i was desperately wanting a lonely place all to myself....boo hoo.....the one chair left in the corner will do. This is where i will open a book and listen to the only Voice i want to hear today. just His voice.

This book i am reading is called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. It was given to me by my dear friend (also named Mandy.)It changed her as it is changing me. It's about the art..the good lesson of learning to be Thankful at all times...even when its hard. She says Thankfulness always precedes the miracle..and i too remember that God inhabits praise. This is not "happy-sing-song" stuff; it's remembering and trusting GOD is good when life hits you hard. When Dr.'s announce disease, when disease starts it's nasty course, when death comes too early, when crying babies wake tired parents in the middle of the night, when misunderstanding happen, when it's most inconvenient to chose trust over worry, or hope over fear, a plan vs happenchance...etc. etc.

Warm water falls down my cheek in this coffee shop. The strangers must see..but i don't mind.

I am like Jacob wrestling GOD to understand....like Jacob not wanting to stop until He blesses me and gives me a new name.

i leave the coffee shop and meander home...the boys are still gone. The house still empty. I am not lonely. This silence is softening me. i fight the urges to turn on noise...i wrestle like JAcob to hear what i really have wanted to hear.

I cry a little in the silence. I've been wanting to cry for a while now and only been able to handle the crying of others. My cry is not a sad cry...its a tired cry. It's been too long since i let myself feel...

The day went on in silence....i shopped and read more.i drove and stopped to rest. i looked high in the sky at blue and puffy white beauty. i texted people ( not while driving) but never called. i rested my voice and my thoughts. When the thoughts ran off in a direction unthankful...i caught them and wrestled them new. i never cleaned the house or changed a diaper. i never turned on the T.V. i ate well and thanked GOD for the sunset, for Kevin and the lesson of thankfulness i'm learning. i hugged and kissed my boys goodnight and came here to tell of the day...

Have you had an intentional day off in a while? If so...any lessons learned? If not..you should try to make it happen. Have you read One Thousand Gifts?....for real it's awesome.

Conversations with Bennett

2011-07-16T19:33:00.001-07:00

Conversation # 1
Bennett:" mom, i dont like Amos.
Me: " You like Amos, you just don't like when he takes your toys or having to share your toys with him."
Bennett: " Can you take him back?"

Conversation # 2
( while in the car getting off a turnpike)

Bennett: "wow, that was fast, just like daddy takes us round and round. see mom?
( he keeps asking me till i look in the rear view mirror...and i see that he slides from one side of his car seat to the other really fast)
Me:" yes, Bennett,that's what we call a sharp turn"
Bennett: " Does it mean that we will run into something sharp?"
Me: " i certainly hope not."

( this boy makes the funniest faces...)

Conversation # 3

Bennett:" Mom, i really want to ride a train. How much money do we need to ride a train?
Me: " i don't know Bennett, but i will do some research and figure it out."
Bennett: " i know...i think it is 100's and then equals 7:30!"
Me: " wow, 7:30 is a lot of money huh? "
Bennett:"yes, and i think we should ride the real Thomas the Train. We will know which one he is because he will be the one that can talk."

Bennett eating a popsicle with Amos
Bennett is going through a growth spurt and is hungry EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY..i wasnt sure if he was just bored until he told me in a whiny voice.." mom, i am so hungry..i can't even stand. I am so hungry i could eat a whole dinosaur!"

Conversation #4

Bennett: "Mommy, i want another baby"
Me: " Do you mean that you want mommy to have another baby?"
Bennett: "Yes, so grandma and grandpa, Don Don and T.B can come and take care of me while you and daddy go to the hospital for a few days"
Me: "What if mommy and daddy go somewhere to sing for a few days and grandpa and grandma come to visit...would that be ok instead of another baby? Plus, if we had another baby, it would grow up and want to play with your toys?"
Bennett: " i dont want another baby...i don't want Amos either"

This is Grandpa in the Center with Bennett and my neice Ashlyn. Bennett adores him.

Conversation #5 With Grandpa
Bennett: " Grandpa, you are old and i am new"

Summer Symphony

2011-06-28T17:07:00.000-07:00

This is my attempt at capturing the glowing green at dusk.

i can hear summer outside the screen door. The crickets hushing the day to sleep with a rhythmic lullaby...the melody of little kids voices playing sweetly like a distant song. Like an old record on repeat, i recognize this sound. Up and down the volume goes..the distant laughter comes and flows into my ear.....tickling the heart to remember that life isn't always as hard as the summer heat feels. ahhhh. yes....the crickets slowly chant rhythm into this sweet-thick- molasses air, the birds chirp out and summon the dark. I stop work when this symphony begins..and remember now that it's a nice way to end the summer day. The summer heat squeezing sweet smell out of all living things....filling up the air so sweetly hovering outside to remind me i'm alive and its a gift. I can see the little light flickering bugs around the glowing grass. All things aglow tonight...all wrongs of the day made right..to the sound of this summer symphony.

No Bloggity Bloggy?

2011-06-22T20:02:00.000-07:00

Where are all my blog peeps? i'm realizing that we are a dying breed...us bloggers. People be startin' a blog and then stoppin. Just like that...no more bloggity bloggy. Out of the blue they just up and left.Just the same picture and story up for a whole year. No explanation or good bye.... and here i am re-visiting the same bloggity bloggy update over and over again. Whatchu doin?.... you too busy to bloggity bloggy? Well i understand.. but here i am with less and less comments under my bloggity bloggy. ( could be that my blog is sucking more and more). Of course some of you are still the ninja rockstars bloggity bloggin' and supportin' the blog world with your awesomeness....with your "Bam Sha--Zam!" glimpses of your life that i so love to read. You have to pronounce "sha-ZAM" like the word "ham", and say it with GUSTO....like this: "BAM SHA ZAM!"....
yep, that's what im talkin' bout...

i'm jus sayin'. Long live the bloggity bloggies ...

To Dad who hangs the moon

2011-06-19T06:59:00.000-07:00

I’ve passed up card after card in the Father’s Day section at stores. Those Hallmark moments aren’t good enough. My dad is not the stereotypical hallmark card golfing, beer drinking, chair sitting, channel surfing, car hound, type of father and so, I’ve left empty handed more than once. He is better than all those cards to me. I would rather buy him the moon please!!
The moon. Dad always reached for that. He still reaches for it. That is who he is. A dreamer…a lover. It seemed, as my sister and I grew up ,that he reached for the moon for our family. We knew it and so he “hung the moon” in our eyes. He would reach high into the sky grabbing until something wonderful came down for us.: ….a boat on the lake, a stop on a long drive to Kansas to let us run the open fields, a coke in hand for a smile, his very present presence… playing with us like he was a kid himself, a trip to the ocean full of critter searches and late talks under starry skies , hours building floats for the homecoming parades, a much needed joke, squba diving lessons..showing us there is more than the surface of what we normally see, assurances that girls can amount to anything boys can, fly fishing graduation trip, grand canyon hiking, ……well anyway, he always thought out of the box..beyond .. and loved well, He still does, And now I see these wonderful qualities shining through my children’s eyes as they see him and get to know my dad…their “grandpa. “
So here I write a few words for DAD since I couldn’t find what I wanted to say at the Hallmark store..….here is a tiny sliver of celebration. ….a place to tell him that I love him. We all love him. Happy Father’s Day to a man who hangs the moon!!!

Creative Endevours

2011-06-10T18:44:00.000-07:00

Making cucumber lemonade....: simple syrup. Equal parts sugar and water melted..2 cups and 2 cups of fresh squeezed lemons. Gut the cucumber and cut it up..mix it all together. put in fridge. The cucumbers taste like dill pickles after it sits in the lemon-sugar water for a day. wah-la!

inspired by my friend Kellie Lutito's shower..ive been folding books and hanging them above our bed

Making new curtains in our bedroom

Making a Tee Pee for Bennett and Amos to play in from fallen branches from the storm and burlap coffee bags that Bongo Java will give to you for a small donation if you ask

Taking a creative class called "Jolt" taught by my friends Vanessa Warren and Kelli Trontell. It focused a lot on photography so below are some pics ive been taking.

Me sandwiched between the great Kelli and Vanessa

My banjo got featured in the shoot. More action than its seen in years.

Sweet Amos in the pool

Our boys

One of the models for the day that i took photos of...and she is an amazing photographer herself: Allister Ann

Within Arms Reach

2011-05-28T18:54:00.000-07:00

For now they are within arms reach
Contained in car seats and little chairs
Contained in bubbled baths splashing about..
Within arms reach the both of them
Most of my days I am near
And so are they…. for now…

Sometimes forgetting who I am…where I start and they begin
They are always in my arms
One or the other…I tend to their needs
Sometimes forgetting what mine are.. what HIS are???
My lovely man that spends the day
Working hard for us and pay…
For now this is the dance…

For now little arms reach up for us
Little voices calling….”mamma..daddy”
Those names can now their problems solve
Those names their little world revolves
Around and around each day
But each day they learn to step out
Further- further from our arms …

For now they sleep in rooms next door
With blankies tight in pale moon light
Illuminating baby skin.. deceivingly look like cherubim
For now storms chase them to our bed
All nuzzled close in blankets white…our nearness
Makes all things right ….for now

For now laundry piles high each day
dishes fill the kitchen sink and call my name
taking me away from play
Within arms reach I see them learn and laugh and cry
I feel the tears that fall
I can wipe them from their eyes and kiss them all away

For now i chose their meals and clothes, I chose the whereabouts each day
Where they will go and where they will play
For now my choices are just fine…
In their little worlds and minds
But some days that is not true

They fight me hard within arms reach..
They fight to become independent from me..
Refusing a spoon and so “yogurt –faced” mad
They hurl tantrums at me and act all sorts of bad
With all of their might within arms reach

For now the house seems always a mess
There never is a beginning or end
To the constant pile of things to tend
I hush away the little voice that yells
"I WANT TIME FOR MYSELF!!!"
Seems no time outside the tending sheep..
I alongside the Great Shepherd keep
these little precious ones

For Now……

Mama's Day Weekend

2011-05-08T07:46:00.001-07:00

Ten Lovely and Not-So-Lovely things

1. Kevin and I celebrated our 9th Anniversary at The Melting Pot. ( A yummy restaurant) with much wine.
2. A stomach bug visits our house. or was it the wine? Just kidding. We are sure it was the dreaded stomach bug that is notoriously making it's way around Bennett's school. The war began fast and our opponent was strong. Much stronger than expected. Kevin was out for the count for a few days; and it caused the MOTHERSHIP TO.. GO...DOWN....HARD!!!! CRASH. Battles were lost along the way (and the food from our Melting Pot celebration)...but when it was all said and done...WE WON!!! Que music from Queen .....da da da dum..."WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS MY FRIEND......dum doo doo...WE'LL KEEP ON FIGHTING TILL THE END!"
3. Red Ripe Strawberries come up in the garden helping me enjoy re-entry to the land of the living, breathing and eating. Bennett took great joy in eating them too. With sugar on top please.
4. Amos says "ankoh" for "thankyou" and i want to eat him up!! With sugar on top please.
5. I make Pesto from parsley in the garden. YUM. ( olive oil, cashews, salt, pepper, tad of water, parsley..all mixed)
6. I regret making Pesto from the garden...too much flavor too soon after the stomach bug.
7. The kids help me wash the car......at 9 am this morning. Sometimes the mornings get so long. We needed something new to do. i needed a clean car. Amos needed to aggressively splash something. Bennett needed to hose off everything in his vicinity like a soldier that finally gets the chance to use his machine gun and destroy the enemies around him.
8. Bennett played Drums to Classical music while kevin made cinnamon rolls.....which was a hillarious beginning to Mother's Day.
9. The House is so messy. My "vomit- time" off of work..is now catching up with me.
10. Kevin bought me a lovely Butterfly Bush...that will grow large with time and attract lots of lovely flying color. It will be dark blue..and remind me of this weekend..... i'm going outside now to plant it. SO EXCITED!!!

Our Small Group

2011-04-28T23:53:00.000-07:00

This motley crew of 12 individuals. This assortment of friends only GOD could arrange so wonderfully unexpected. We who have committed to walk with each other through good and bad; this marriage of sorts. This "dynamic dozen", this "6 pack of married couples"; This group we jokingly call "The Remnant", these strangers that have become friends, these brave souls that share, these scuba divers that swim deeper parts of the gospel together, this place of deep waters and light laughter, this home of people; this marriage of 3 years now....(NOT ONE COUPLE LEAVING)..this cocoon of growth, this windy place of freedom and revelations... secrets and mysteries; this banquet table; this gift.
It's not all roses and pansies. We have struggled together and separately. Each bringing expectations and insecurities. Some expectations and disappointments sit lonely in the back of our hearts unheard, unexpressed. Baggage and sin. pride and shame. It is a struggle to always be at rest with each other. But EACH have committed to be a resting place. It is a struggle to trust. It is a struggle to get to each other...babysitters need to be called and paid, babies fed and put to bed, work and schedules tug at sleeves and pull away. But somehow, tattered and worn we come. For 3 years now, we have come.

I am getting to know these brave souls better: KEVIN, BILLY, CHARLA, HAL, TIFFANY, EMILY, DAVE, PAUL, TALITHA, KELLIE,and JEREMY. i see the transformation happening in each one.."The good work begun is being finished, and we get to work out our salvation together. I'm learning that is what it is...a working..a yeast spreading through dough.
Burdens have been carried, meals have been brought and shared, tears have been richly spilled, stories heard, respect grown, disappointments surfaced.. but we have not shy-ed away. Doubts of faith shared, questions asked and gently cared for. Among this family of friends; jobs have been lost and gained, leaps of faith taken, family members lost, 6 new babies born, pets purchased, houses moved out of and into, children prayed for, sickness suffered, stories shared, hopes deferred, hearts that are healed with revelations, songs have surfaced and art has been made, music produced, beats and rhythms on stage, late night studying, soccer games, nursing programs, tests, diets and cleansing, financial mending..taxes. seminary classes, preaching and lessons, creativity spilled and organized, motherhood and fatherhood entered into... and i am silenced.

All these years...i know it's a gift. I can hear the clock ticking. Time is tick- tocking. How long do good gifts last? Only the Giver knows. He gives and takes away. When and if He takes this away i think i'll fight Him tooth and nail. I will fight like a toddler red faced and clench fisted...angry at the Keeper for taking away his gift. Or maybe i wont. Maybe He will prepare us gently for what is next? or Maybe He will never take this gift away, and we will walk all our days together?

Tick Tock. Tick Tock. For now i rest in the rhythm of the tick and the tock, and in the keeper of the Clock. i rest with this group. This gift.

A lot can happen in two minutes...

2011-04-18T21:09:00.000-07:00

Two dear friends of mine had babies today! They were delivered at the same hospital, AND to make it even cooler, my other friend was their nurse! i wanted so desperately to talk on the phone to my friend (the nurse) and hear all the stories she encountered today. I wanted to talk in peace. I wanted no interruptions for just TWO MINUTES PLEASE! AS i called my friend, Amos entered the bathroom. i followed him to make sure the toilet seat was shut. In comes Bennett asking me guestions, crying, and making demands that i must fill promptly or his little world will come to a crying end. I begin talking.....walking out of the bathroom...ignoring the tugging on my pant legs from the 1 year old and the incessant questioning from the 3 year old. I ignore it and press in to listen to my friend. I ignore it and press into the conversation..ignore the noise, ignore the noise, ignore the noise...until finally there was no noise. ahhh silence... finally sweet silence. i am free now to listen.

until second thought! SILENCE!!?????

Silence is always the loudest noise to a mama's heart when her children were just playing loudly. It's an alarm that wakens and shakes us to the core. Instinctually driving us to RUN to the source of the silence to see WHY!? WHY!? is there silence amidst two little boys that are awake???? i run to the scene crime and find ?????????

an innocent toilet paper party. i take a deep breath. i laugh. i get frustrated...i laugh again..i take a picture

I let them enjoy their party while i enjoy my conversation .....in peace.

Happy Easter Every bunny.....

2011-04-16T21:48:00.001-07:00

15 Reasons i love this Spring

2011-04-10T12:43:00.000-07:00

1. Amos in summer shorts! Proof of a loving GOD...GOOD LAWD..those chubby thighs are amazing.
2. Kevin in summer shorts...... handsome fellow.
3. Mommy in summer shorts prompting Bennett to ask why my legs are "so scratchy". ( because i dont have time to shave often)
4. Bennett and Amos trading summer shorts because they wear the same size!
5. Baseball with our boys in the backyard and Amos' little one year old voice yelling ....."BAWL!".....BAAAWL"over and over again.
6. Bennett hitting left handed and hitting the ball WELL. He no longer puts the ball ON HIS actual EYE when we tell him to "keep his eye on the ball".
7. Walks with two active boys contained in one stroller. Mama gets them all to herself and the world is quiet for a while.
8. Seeds planted and boys full of dirt.
9. bath times that can clean the dirt...
10.Naked boys after bath running around the house unashamed and laughing.
11. Amos coming up to mommy and grabbing my hand and saying "out" to go outside
12. Fresh fruit in sticky hands..
13. New wonder in little eyes....
14. Discovering that Bennett loves thunderstorms just as much as me. "OH BOY mom...the lightning covers my WHOLE window...im gonna watch it all night!"
15. Discovering Amos may not like thunderstorms as much and wants to cuddle in my arms during the loud noises.

5 am talk in my head

2011-04-08T02:52:00.000-07:00

the birds are chirping but it's dark outside. i've been up since 2am when Bennett jumped in our bed. Must have been a bad dream but he fell asleep again before we could ask. Kevin gently picked him up and carried him back to his room...... and i have been awake since thinking about everything under the sun( or moon rather). My thoughts have turned dark and light...back and forth this dance in my mind. i have replayed conversations in my head, taken a shower, tried to sleep again. i have read a blog entry by my dear friend Mary whose husband is battling a disease that is taking his every days away and keeping him in bed. It's just not fair. So much of this life isn't fair. My thoughts turned home to Georgia where my mama is recovering from foot surgery for pain in her flat feet..and it seems she now has new pain that wont go away. This will be truly unfair if it continues..This on top of the Multiple Sclerosis she fights everyday and has for years. This when she is such a fun person full of life and energy. ALways has been active..a cheerleader in College, and aerobics instructor...loves getting out and about. Great with people ..homecoming queen in college.loved and has a wonderful attitude..This disease is not fair. It's been such a long recovery for them and this foot surgery. I say them..because Dad has been such a mate to help so much and hurt his back in the process. He too loves life and is such a fun person...scuba dived, pilot, loves all types of adventures, creatures, always creating and is one of the most creative people i know, very smart, works well with his hands, calls others out into adventure, loves deep. Anyway.... To have to rely on someone elses help.....to be someone elses help. These are true tests of character...they have such amazing character. My mom and dad really do.

"Suffering produces character and character "hope" and hope doesnt disappoint ..the Bible says. hmmmmmmm

Sometimes we have to hope so long? isnt there disappointment in the waiting?

There is another verse that says "Hope deferred makes the heart sick"......

So true. The waiting is VERY HARD. i hear and somtimes know there is beauty in the waiting. This creates a place and space where we can draw near Him.. a resting in the fact that there is no answer presently..but that there will be an answer. i wait this morning alongside my friend Mary....alongside my parents...i wait for new hope in areas of my life too. i wait.
i wait a few more minutes to scoop my baby in my arms. i hear a little voice in the other room stirring....little grunts, and stretches. Amos always wakes with the sun. Outside the dark is turning gray...the birds are getting louder..............

Spring Fever

2011-03-18T17:52:00.000-07:00

SPRING FEVER
The air is warm and fragrant and the earth is glowing green.Colors awake loud from the earth. AHHHH! Let winter fall away like a heavy garment slipping off...its too warm to wear it now. Awake my sleepy soul! You've been cold and bundled up so long. Do you remember how to to play? Come outside and see the colors beckoning. Hear the thunder roar in the distance like an old man clearing his throat. Pitter Patter pitter patter rain...sunshine calls forth life again. My thumbs are green planting seeds... fragile growing things up from soil. Oh tiny seeds!, I always learn from you and how you grow beyond expectation. Cilantro, Thyme, Parsley, Chives, oregano, basil..and strawberries and blackberries.
My hands are dirty with the soil. I feel free here to be messy and me, but my heart is heavy with new weight...even as the red bird flies so weightlessly in the sky. I am not weightless. I'm anchored deep this week with the weight of the world.
Japan and the quake that shook and took life leaving massive heartbreak behind.i feel the waves reach the corners of my heart..
While i plant my little garden and tend to my little sheep. But, how do i care for the weight of the world when my load seems so heavy to bear? at least this week? Bennett got a virus that will not relent. 10 days with fever and I'm like a wolf, searching for the cure....i sniff and prowl and visit the doctor, x-ray at hospital...buy new thermometer, inside on these sun-shiny days, missing our friends.."he must stay away", medicine, and closing walls.. How can mama make it go away? oh! spring and Fever filled week.

Front Porch Dinner picnic

2011-03-07T19:48:00.000-08:00

It was Bennett's idea. He woke late from a nap and all his 3-year-old-boy energy couldn't be contained inside any longer...even if it was about to get dark outside. When dinner was ready he asked if we could have a picnic outside. Mommy and daddy remained a united front saying "no". Amos ( who eats more than any one of us) was already in highchair eating happily.Bennett, who is learning the art of incessant asking, continued to ask for the night picnic. Mama finally ran out of energy to say "no". Bennett won. We packed his dinner up and stepped out into the night. I saw the sliver of the silver moon and took a deep breath as childhood memories flooded back. I remember how i loved staying outside past bedtime... i loved when dad and i would sit at the end of our driveway and look up at the stars and talk forever it seemed. It was a sweet moment to realize that Bennett would be having his own adventures, and for now i get to be beside him. Bennett said with great enthusiasm; " HEY MOM! THE MOON IS FOLLOWING US WHEREVER WE GO! DO YOU THINK IT LIKES US SO MUCH??" i replied "YES!" and he literally yelled back at the sky..."WE LOVE YOU MOON!" i could tell this picnic was going to be full of conversation that must be captured with pen and paper so i ran inside briefly. AS i do..i hear Bennett say "I HOPE IM GONNA BE OK." i realize he is kinda scared and I quickly step back outside and to the front porch swing and sit down. Bennett says: " Hey MOM ..YOU"RE NOT CLOSE ENOUGH!" My mama heart ached as he spoke with both joy and mourning. Joy that he wanted me so close....mourning that it wont be long when he wont want me close at all... BOO HOOO HOOOO. ok ... so onward we go with our merry night picnic. He eats noodles, carrots and chicken while i drink sweet tea and await an indian meal i made esp. for me and Kevin when the kids are asleep. Bennett who is not allowed to have sweet tea often looks up at me with asking eyes says..."mom, you make such good tea" i give him a sip of mine. Then Bennett says: "MOM, LETS TALK ABOUT SCHOOL."...i reply "ok, did you know on Thursday you are going to make green eggs and ham in honor of Dr. Suess' birthday?" and he replies." NO LETS TALK ABOUT MY LAST GIRL".....i reply "Last girl?" Do you mean the girl you liked last?" He replied "YES" and we ran down the names of the girls in his class and finally when i say "Amelia"..he says.."YES,AMELIA!" and then he waits a minute in silence and says..."BUT HER VOICE IS KINDA LOUD."
I rest assured tonight that Amelia hasnt won over my sons' heart yet..you know, since her voice is so loud and everything. ...
But Bennett is winning my heart over...and over and over again..

The Boys Baptisms

2011-02-27T08:13:00.000-08:00

It was a sweet Sunday last week... We baptized our boys at the same time. Indecision caused me to wait till Bennett was 3 years old. Kevin and i questioned weather or not we should baptize Bennett or should he make that decision by himself in the future? But we decided, like our church, that we will baptize them as an outward show of the covenant GOD has with our family. His commitment to us...not our commitment to Him.i am reminded of how the old hymn sings: "Prone to Wander Lord i feel it, prone to leave the GOD i love....Here's my heart Lord take and seal it, seal it for Thy Courts above."...and so Sunday we asked for that SEALING over our children...an outward showing (alongside family and friends)...that we are believing in His commitment to us.
It was sweet to ask GOD's blessing on both our boys.

1.Bennett means "Benediction..blessing"...my prayer is that HE would be blessed by GOD's hand..God's gaze would be on Him, and He would know GOD and walk closely with Him. That Bennett would be a "blessing" to others. That there would be favor on Him. That laughter and joy would mark him. Before He was born i sensed that he would be a funny guy and bring people laughter.
The verse i prayed for Bennett at baptism: "Surely GOD is my salvation. I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation" ISaiah 12:2-4

2. Amos means burden..and carried by GOD. We have prayed that He would have no burden on this earth but the burden of love for GOD. That He would have not the worries of the world on his shoulders, but the heart of GOD. a yoke He says is easy and light.
May God's Spirit carry Him, speak to Him, lead Him through His days. Before He was born i sensed Amos would be like a flower in the dessert. Strong to sustain harsh surroundings..a breath of fresh air to all around Him...presenting life instead of death.
The verse for baptism: (this is the verse said of Jesus..and so i pray Jesus' Spirit is in Amos).."The Spirit of the Lord ( Jesus) rest on him..a spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of power, the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of The Lord..and he will delight in the fear of The Lord" Isaiah 11 2-3
I pray for humility amidst the gifts and strengths he would carry....

My Funny Valentine....

2011-02-10T20:21:00.000-08:00

When making Amos' birthday cake with Bennett i said " Isn't it pretty?"....and Bennett replied " That means it's a girl cake"

Kevin made Bennett a ROCK-N-ROLL cd mix full of loud drum beats. Bennett LOVES it and sings the songs at the top of his lungs (not knowing the words) while playing "air-drums" and having a serious facial expression-focused and intense....
If anyone asks Bennett "What are you going to be when you grow up?"....Bennett always replies.." A drummer guy." ....
Mama is more excited about him being a "drummer guy" than the "clown" he used to say he wanted to be....

Bennett calls Amos his "little buddy". He has been wrestling his "little buddy" too rough these days and spending more time in "time-out". Bennett then emerges a very sweet little boy full of hugs until the next wrestling match.
Amos is totally IN LOVE with Bennett...(whom he calls "dadooo".) Bennett can do no wrong in Amos' eyes as of yet.

Well...that is all for this post. i just watched FOOD INC and am TOTALLY GROSSED out with America's food industry. Got to get sleep since "dadoo" and "little buddy" wake at 5:30 am these days...

Amos' 1st Birthday

2011-01-31T20:14:00.000-08:00

Happy 1st Birthday Amos

You my baby boy, sitting in the sun
The sunshine floods the room as if it knows
It's time to celebrate!
The baby is aglow
I take pictures of you.
you like a sunbeam of light
I can't quite hold in my hands but try
I take these pictures of you.
Let the sun shine on those toes, that tummy..chubby baby rolls
I hold you close! i hold you close...
but like a sunbeam in my hand
You always wiggle free and shine away from me
I take these pictures of you
my attempt to capture you
My baby boy that grows and grows
If i could hold you and not let go..
hold you near before the shift of light again..
Is there a way to make you stay?
I take these pictures of you

Violent work before Beauty

2011-01-25T07:32:00.000-08:00

Do you think that, often times, beauty is preceded by a violent work? And "violent" doesn't have to mean a bad thing. It could mean "HARD WORK", "VERY HARD WORK"!
This Sunday at church...i heard that quote and it's still ringing in my ear and stirring up my heart. Pondering the truth of that...here are some examples that came to mind:
1. A baby being born....that simple beauty took violent work to get on this earth. Perhaps the mother had, morning sickness, she ached ..her mind and body. Growing pains and of course the LABOR of birthing the baby occurred. That beautiful baby came from some violent work on earth and probably in the heavens. what is unseen.
2. Art: i have seen my friends LABOR ( and myself at times), sacrifice, dream, hurt, be discouraged ( and encouraged)...fight...need help from others..etc. to create their music. When an artist hands me their new music/CD. i say "WELL DONE!. i know it took HARD WORK TO GET TO THIS POINT". The beauty we pop into our car stereo...was faught for behind doors we didn't have to open.
3. A good friend: there is beauty in relationships for sure. This one i have felt the simple gift of without seeming to have to FIGHT for it...a simple gift from GOD. However, oftentimes there is a violent work involved in keeping friends or a marriage in tact properly. With God's grace we work to keep that beautiful undercurrent flowing. Sometimes the closest i have felt to people occurred after pain or hardship...WORKING IT OUT TOGETHER.

Would you guys agree? For sure there are instances where beauty is just there in front of us and it seems no work was behind it. In fact we are DRAWN TO BEAUTY as if it's a simple occurrence that has no strings attached...
We want that beauty for ourselves with no strings attached. Beauty sits there screaming on its own as if it's strength lies within itself. But work is behind it.
This is where our pastor brought the message that challenged me.
He said not to run from the violent or hard process of GOD working beauty in us. That GOD works all for His good and thus our moments of suffering aren't always something to run from but to rejoice with. FOR BEAUTY IS BEING CREATED. We hurt and so we try to medicate it. Turning to entertainment, or drugs, or distractions..etc, the pain is seen as from a cruel GOD...hmmm but maybe it's not a cruel thing to suffer into beauty....for out of suffering comes perseverance..perseverance hope..etc...i dont know. I'm just thinking aloud today....
i'm about to jump rope outside while my baby sleeps. It's the violent act of exercise that needs to occur to get these beautiful biceps on my arms..haha.....just kidding.
It is, however, the work i want to do to feel the beauty of peace of mind.

Mama's time to play

2011-01-20T07:44:00.000-08:00

(Before you read. i must warn you that i can NOT break out of writing in Rhyme due to reading so many Dr.Suess books with Bennett lately. So read on and laugh aloud when you see my vague rhyming pattern)

I want to remember as the skies are now gray.. that a few days ago i flew far away on a plane that took me miles from here. Friends by my side and no children to tend....our face felt hot sun and our feet felt warm sand. Our eyes saw blue ocean..and puffy white clouds... We took deep deep breaths, rested well and laughed loud. i felt the tug on my heart once again that perhaps GOD really loved me . To take me here away from the cold and de-thaw my heart among friends. Kindred spirits and bicycle rides..."squba deep conversations" and coming up for air...(and wine)..collecting seashells and new memories. and time. Time, time beautiful time.No hurry..no where to be. But also we felt the weight of age. We all had some aches and pains to tend and mend and feel yet again. This life is always fragile and hard. No matter where we try and escape to, we feel THIS SIDE of heaven. But life is also good . We ate well..fresh fruit and fresh greens, fresh herbs and created yummy things...I want to remember as the skies are now gray...that a few days ago i was free to play...and dig in the sand, feel earth in my hand, and think my own thoughts and go my own way. Mama's need this every now and again. To play. Esp. among some good friends.....

A Warm Snowy Day

2011-01-11T13:01:00.000-08:00

Gentle Gentle white comes down...quiet is the sky. The red sled is propped up against the front door worn and obviously loved. We have been down many hills. It takes a rest as the two boys do. My friend Faith knocks on the door and comes in for a while. Conversations among coffee and cream. She drinks hers with honey. Tomato soup and grilled cheese fill tummies. Faith sings a tune of her own breaking out in song. She does this quite often and it makes me smile. When the boys are awake it makes them dance. She fills this house with melody. It's good to have her here. We talk about life and GOD and heart longings. The days seems hushed and sleepy, but i'm not tired. We are both awake and warm instead. I'm warm with today and warm with tomorrow. Warm with the knowing that the little boys will wake and fill this home with boy noise and toys...jingle jangle...jibber jabber. The baby will walk from room to room...arms open wide for balance and a big smile on his face. His new found freedom will be applauded by all. I'm warm with the knowing that i head to the beach tomorrow with some good friends...Boarding a plane bound for sunshine amidst snowy skies. No diapers are packed, no laundry agenda, no cleaning up mess but my own.., no interrupted thoughts by little voices ( although they are precious, no schedule, no bedtime routine, no sticky hands reaching for whatever is in my hand. I am both nervous and excited about all this. I will miss them terribly and im not saying that i wont pack a baby blanket in my suitcase to sleep with. I will miss their smell. I will miss the things im running away from. I know this means more work for my wonderful husband. Kevin is so good with the kids. But i know it will be HARD. There is guilt knowing HE NEEDS A VACATION TOO. GOD provide that for him. My parents are amazing and will come up and help. The kids love them and this gives me rest and a thankful heart.I am indebted to these helping hands.
I am warm with the memory of this morning with Bennett. We went on a walk in the snow with our dog. Black lab running free in white snow. It does my heart good to see the animal free and happy. Chasing a ball with snow covered snout. i said to Bennett "look how beautiful the snow sets in the trees. The branches are pretty aren't they?. Bennett replied "yes, are you happy mom?" My heart broke a little and i realized that Bennett asks me if im "happpy" at least 5 times a day these days. It makes me wonder if he thinks i'm unhappy ( which sometimes i really am when he's wrestling AMos to the ground or asking 100 X in a row for a snack that i said he couldnt have...but,i digress and get back to the beautiful conversation in the snow.) i said .."yes, i am happy...isn't GOD amazing? He makes beautiful things?" and Bennett said "yes, He's got the whole world in His hands"......
My mama heart knows this comment originated from church and not his heart...but this is the beginning of his walk...his walk with wonder and delightful glimpses of the Maker. May He know GOD as the Maker of good things. May He know this on his own, and not be spoon fed anything untrue. I want to be careful of this.
My heart is warm with the knowing my husband and i will have a date tonight. WITH THE KIDS. but we call it a date and dress nicer and we are more intentional. We get Thai food...yahoo. My heart is warm with Bennett's request to wear his Halloween "Fire Man" outfit to the restaurant tonight......
speaking of fire and warmth..my "warm" and fuzzy feelings are wearing off as the demands of the day are tugging at my sleeves..my friend is gone..my boys are waking. i leave the blog world until i return from the beach...blessings fellow bloggers, or you 5 faithful readers! May your days be filled with warmth...

p.s. i got a really awesome camera for Christmas and these pics are not from that ( in case you were wondering dad).. i am afraid to get it near snow. More from that camera to come this year.

A word for the New Year...

2011-01-04T08:55:00.000-08:00

What does the new year hold. What do you want it to hold? I've been thinking and am tired of my "Goals" and "resolutions". There is a quieting of the heart i can feel...a hushing of the world and whispers in my soul that i cant hear amidst the children. A beach trip is on the way ..and i CANT WAIT TO REST. TO hear the ocean..to hear my thoughts again. There are so many possibilities in a year; some in our control and some aren't. Or perhaps none are in our control really. We live and move and have our being in Him i believe. Sometimes i believe. I've been worried and upset about so many things and only one thing is needed He says; To rest and learn from Him. A yoke that is easy and light? i learned this once...and will spend my lifetime reminding myself of that deep rest. A rest. Beyond physical and mental.... I want SO many things...i ache over so much that i don't have...Not necessarily things...but yes, some are things. and i thought i learned that money is never the answer....not truly deep down the answer. BUT I WANT MORE MONEY... Newer things are always coming..and all things collect...and collect dust...so maybe i dont want money. ADVENTURE...i WANT ADVENTURE...but adventures are always to be had..and always end....I WANT SOMETHING THAT LASTS...hmmm. Relationships..I WANT BETTER RELATIONSHIPS....but i've always known great loneliness even amidst crowds. Noone can love always..we are not the authors of that. I NEED GOD. i guess so..i rest in that today. I read today...(even while kids cried in the back...i ran to GOD..myself crying and exhausted and read this:
"I am to be the only inheritance the priests have. You are to give them no possesions."
That was all i read. i dont even know where it is because the kids came and Amos shut my Bible...i am right now asking the kids to "PLEASE STOP" so i can finish writing this....but anyway...
i like what it says...
i read it this way........."GIVE THEM NOTHING....THEY NEED NOTHING...I AM ENOUGH...I AM THEIR HELP...THEIR REST....".....

A serenade to a sick mama.

2010-12-18T18:52:00.001-08:00

Well...we had just settled down for a long winters nap when it all began. The snow falling, our Christmas lights sparkling, night upon us and sleep awaiting. All was joyous....harmony and order in our household until Bennett threw up! There i was with a pot in hand holding it for my little boy as his little body did all it could to get out the evil stomach bug. Poor guy. My mama heart burned with jealousy over him. i wanted to fight for him. i wanted to kick the stomach bugs a--.
Until it kicked mine of course! Just when Bennett felt better and the weekend held promise: A girls dinner for me, a wedding, grandma and grandpa coming in town....Christmas lights twinkling...harmony and order back in the household. until i threw up.......ah oh! mama is down for the count. It's odd to hear my household go on around me while i'm laid up in bed. i probably would've enjoyed not having to change diapers and attend crying children if i felt better. The aching and shivers made me long for bed ALL DAY. i couldn't do anything. Isn't the stomach bug terrible? ( terrible is Bennett's new favorite word by the way). Kevin was AMAZING at holding the fort down and helping me. I love my man! I was SO sad to miss my girl's dinner, the wedding, and the fact that Grandma and grandpa couldn't come up now. I felt lonely when Kevin went out the door to attend the wedding. But alas, not all was bad.. My friend kellie Lutito ROCKS! She brought soup to my door...thus helping my loneliness and tummy ache. THANKS KELLIE. Two sweet boys make me laugh alot too. Amos is walking now. He can take 8 or more steps and when he does claps for himself. It's HILARIOUS! Now our whole household claps when he walks. It's sweet to hear Bennett yell to me.."mommy Amos is walking" and to hear them both clapping after. Well, as mama laid in bed there was an impromptu serenade which is here for your viewing pleasure. Kevin aided by getting Bennett on the drums...(give it a second and check out his mad drum skills when he gets in the groove) and check out Amos' dance moves. Its enough to make a sick mama feel better. Enjoy!....

The Cutting down of the Tree

2010-12-06T10:28:00.000-08:00

This year we went to "Chris and Rhonda's Tree Farm" to cut down a tree with our very good friends, The Cerveny's. The farm was far away as little flurries danced in the sky. We drove there early in the morning. Aimes fell asleep in the car, and i was excited to see the city fall away and the countryside come close and whisper lovely things in my ear like...."rest"...."take a breath"...."look around". Of course not all was happy and jolly. We got lost. Bennett had a few tantrums. We lost cell phone coverage...but alas, we saw those green,green pines in a row and our friends all bundled up for the adventure. It just so happened it was Emmy's 3rd birthday too. Emmy is their little girl and Bennett's betrothed in marriage..ha ha.
The kids ran around, we roasted marshmellows and drank hot chocolate, our eyes searched for the grandest tree we could find. We found a fat one that looked small amidst the others...but HUGE in our house. I'm happy to finally utilize our tall ceilings. IF you havent gotten your Christmas tree...its fun to cut one at a farm...esp. "Chris and Rhonda's" in Watertown, Tn.

Glad to be Home

2010-12-03T07:21:00.001-08:00

The baby birds await their food in this picture

So glad to be home with my little boys...
This morning i embrace it all:
Mama, maid, custodian, chef, playmate, referee, protector, listener, at times the yell-er, but not today....it seems i'm warm inside ...like the house we're nestled in .. warm within the winter cold...this morning is sweet and alive.
There's no where else i'd rather be....loving them and they loving me
these days will be few i know.

So glad to be home with my little boys.

Amos bravely ventures into the Toy Soldier Battle. I see him crawling into the scene.
Bennett has a strategic plan. Green v's red lined up on couch..neatly in rows.
Battle roars..and "shoot gun" sounds....
Amos cries real tears as Bennett pushes him away...
mama must enter the battle here.....hold on!

ok....oh yes...i'm thankful to be home even amidst the battles
my ears hear the first words formed...
my ears hear the word "daddy" change to "dad"
My ears hear the laughter and the tears
the growing pains within these walls...

I see the little hands and feet ...baby ears..baby skin
The little questioning eyes..
The toddler isnt as big as i comparatively think of him..
he too is just a little guy...i must remember this today....
these little gifts im home with now...so glad to be home with my boys

i'll eatchu up!!

2010-11-07T12:46:00.000-08:00

i think i'll pop! i love you so....
My Happy Amos boy.
All grins and smiles for everyone
I'll eatchu up...
My cuddly, squirmy worm
You wiggle, squiggle try to fight
the kisses and the hugs...
I'll eat those cheeks and chubby thighs...
Dont flash that smile and bat those eyes
and make mama run ..arms open wide
to scoop you up, you cuddly thing!
I'll eatchu up...i'll eatchu up.
You piggy monster...eating boy...
squeals of glee, squeals of joy
If only it could be this way forever
You cuddly, chubby, laughing
Happy Amos boy....

The Fire Menn

2010-11-01T18:49:00.000-07:00

laughter and frustration.

2010-10-24T18:48:00.000-07:00

This morning i woke to our dog growling in my face. When i opened my eyes i saw Bennett on top of the dog "riding it" like a horse!!!! He said "mommy, look Zeal is my horse." Oh my.....this boy had me laughing in the midst of strong reprimand. SO GLAD OUR BLACK LAB DIDNT BITE HIM....

Yesterday Bennett found a maxi pad from our bathroom and laid his little fire guy on it and said it was the fire-guys comfy bed. My privacy is non-existant these days..

Bennett is potty trained or at least accident free for weeks. I'm so proud of him. So it surprised us when we came in his room and it smelled like poooooo. Yuck-o. We realized that when we tell him to stay in bed and not get out...he knows we mean it. Poor little guy. of course we told him he can get out if he needs to go to the bathroom from now on.

The house is a total mess....i can barely get a thing done and its frustrating...but the storms are rolling in and our house is getting quiet...Bennett was sweet when we put him to bed.....his p.j.'s smelled like fresh laundry and his hair clean with shampoo. It made me feel like i accomplished at least something today....Kevin is working in the garage and i know that makes him happy. i am about to watch the show Brother's and Sisters and hear our friend Matthew Perryman Jones song play on it.... and for an hour things feel right....

My pumpkins in a pumpkin patch

2010-10-19T18:28:00.000-07:00

My little pumpkins having fun at the pumpkin patch...or really my mom and i were having more fun taking pictures of them...while my Dad and Kevin worked hard on our garage. We are attempting to build a studio/guest room in the back...( thanks mom and dad for coming in town and helping so much! and for celebrating my "birfday" with us.
the pic of the spider is in honor of Halloween...its the 3rd Black Widow ive found in our back yard witin a few months. CREEPY!!!

THE BIG 35

2010-10-12T13:56:00.000-07:00

Bennett asked me the other day if he could have another birthday party...and i said "we only get one a year!" He said "Have you had a birthday, mama?" To which i replied "yes,ive had THIRTY FIVE!!!" As the words spilled out my mouth as carelessly as these years seem to have past, i was shocked into silence. My eyes wide along with my mouth. ( at least that's how i felt) GOOD LAWD, how did that happen? How did i get 35 already? Why are these years passing so quickly? Is my heart racing? Why dont i do more volunteering and unselfish acts? im pretty sure im having a midlife crisis. I have no money to spend on something frivolous?...what can i do to mark this big event? i need time. I have no time to contemplate this birthday...except right now in my bloggy world. Even now i have a Children's Casio piano playing in the background while baby Einstein is on TV to pacify the kids a second. MAn, am i a bad mom..? ug... My thoughts are as confused as the sounds in my house.....all up against each other in disharmony...

There is so much, so much to be thankful for...and yet there is so much that saddens me.

I left the room and took this picture in the mirror...a good long 1 minute look. I asked GOD to reveal His love for me just as my friend Kristen had done before and said it really helped. She said it helped her see beauty instead of flaws....
As i looked in the mirror i saw mostly flaws. i took the picture a million times and finally sat further away from the mirror. i did however, thank GOD for all the stories behind my eyes....35 years of them, some known,,,some unknown. Such a journey unfolding. My times are in His Hands....and im thankful and frightened of that right now to be honest...
Instead of resolutions...i merely ask for revelation of His love.....which can only come from Him....not others...this only will fully bring me through midlife crisis and beyond. Anyone reading this???.have you ever done that? asked GOD for revelation of HIs love for you alone? Have you been surprised by good things? or has it been a process hard and sometimes silent? just wondering....

Chihuly Nights

2010-10-11T18:44:00.001-07:00

We had a great family night looking at "Chihuly" art at Cheekwood. The brilliant lights and colors kept all our eyes amazed and awake. Now Bennett pretends he is "making glass" out of everything like Chihuly did....

p.s. I had to put a picture up of the little Puma Tennis shoes i found for Amos that are EXACTLY like my big ones...it melted my mama heart.

p.s.s Tonight when Kevin put Bennett to bed he asked Bennett what he was thankful for. Bennett mumbled off a few things and at the end Kevin said...." Did you say you're thankful for Jesus?".....and Bennett said..."No, im thankful for Cheatah's"...hmmmmm
i guess its good to be thankful for Cheatah's too....

Halloween costume ideas??

2010-10-06T13:08:00.000-07:00

Here with our friends last Halloween...we were doing the Star Wars theme...Kevin: Hans Solo...Me: Pregnant princess Leia Bennett: Chewbacca....( but everyone thought he was Daniel Boone...

i am summoning blogger friend help!!!.We cant decide what we are going to be for Halloween. First thing to be known in offering any advice is that we're kind of obsessed with the family theme when it comes to costumes...hence the previous years costumes..
but i sure would love any input or creative ideas.....What are you gonna be for Halloween?
This year all we can come up with are:
1. Dressing all of us up as tires and telling everyone we are A"TIRED"...ha ha
2. Dressing up as exhaust pipes and telling everyone we are "exhausted" ( Kevin's idea)
3. Holding trophies that say # 2 and telling people that we are "Beat"....(Kevin's)

we're joking about the current state of sleeplessness we have....
hey i just thought of one more
wear a belt that has the word "No SLEEP" under it and say "We have no sleep under out belts"...isnt that a saying?....
We could be the lunesta sheep from the commercial...ok NO! Seriously i want Amos' first year to be cute. Thanks to Caroline for giving us a hotdog custume bennett's first year so he could be a hot dog and we were ketchup and mustard...

i do think seriously about

4. Dressings up as chefs and Amos as a lobster and carry him around in a pot all night..
hmmm still wanting something more....??? any ideas

Fuel for Fire

2010-09-30T13:07:00.000-07:00

I will describe today like a warm campfire, leaving me smelling smokey and feeling hopeful. And to top it off, there is more fuel beside the campfire.

Its been a while since i felt hopeful past the mundane activities of the day...my campfire has been smoldering too long. i dont know why or what my problem is! Maybe lots of mom's feels this way? Perhaps its depression? lack of sleep? Just who i am in this season...All of the above.....

Dont get me wrong, in the midst of it all...i am completely in LOVE with my boys...they give me genuine smiles from my gut lots of the day.....but still...im a longing creature

Today there was some Fuel For Fire:

1. FUEL FOR FIRE #1 - THE TREE and KEVIN
Kevin cut down two trees in our back yard last night...giving us much fuel for Fire...( literally)
I love this man...he is so good to me.. creative and full of new surprises. Tonight we get a date with friends ( no kids)...ahhhh, and not to mention he let me sleep in this morning. FUEL FOR FIRE!

2.FUEL FOR FIRE # 2 COFFEE (NOT DECAF), Pancake Pantry PANCAKES and GOOD CONVERSATION
Sometimes a mama needs some time away...to hear stories other than the ones within her own walls....to re-fuel the fire....to get perspective. To drink lots of coffee and talk nonsense...and sense. This morning there was both...a conversation of laughter and no importance and one of MUCH importance. Possible employment in the future and i dared to dream impossible dreams for myself..not just for my kids. Also its weird how listening to another persons story can remind you that GOD gives sometimes with such WILD abandon and intimacy with no strings attached. GOd is loving on this person so much. It didnt make me jelous..it made me hopeful that He will do the same for me...and is...it just looks different... FUEL FOR FIRE

3. FUEL FOR FIRE # 3- The KIDS

Even though one screams for me now....i am fueled to scoop him up and be the one to make it all better by holding and hugging him ( sometimes its not that easy of course....I am more proud of being a mom to these two than of any other accomplishment this far. I never saw that statement coming....FUEL FOR FIRE.....

Good Clean Fun

2010-09-27T19:56:00.000-07:00

A season for Everything under the Sun

2010-09-17T21:01:00.000-07:00

A season to be carried

A season to rest
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A season to laugh

A season to to refrain

A season to discover

A season to reap

A season to cuddle

A season to HATE MY HAIR these days....

At small group this Thursday i was encouraged.....
Reminded that there is "A Season for every activity under the sun...that GOD makes all things BEAUTIFUL in its time"..Reminded that even the darker adjectives used in that verse (Ecclesiastes 3) such as a time to "Die"....a time to "mourn", a time to "refrain" etc. etc. carry certain beauty.
Like when leaves turn brilliant colors when they DIE in the Fall...( There is beauty).

i love our small group from Church..its a complete gift from GOD during this season..
We've committed to walk with these friends for 2 years now...
Understanding that "community is messy" as our pastor says...
but its beautiful and worth it....
This group has been through a lot....each individual couple gone through seasons...
and we've all pissed each other off at some point and still committed to keep walking together...keep struggling together, laugh and share together. I dont have pictures of all the "seasons" i feel. I feel a season of loneliness too....dont really know why in the midst of SO much good community.in the midst of family. i kinda think on this side of heaven we will always feel a tinge of loneliness to remind us this isnt home.....
But even in the loneliness.....it beckons me to create and seek ( and there is beauty in that)....

Today kinda sucked

2010-09-13T18:35:00.000-07:00

Today kinda sucked...
1. i rear ended another car on my way to the grocery....( everyone is ok...her bumper is damaged and so is my pride)
2. i spent my precious free time away from kids waiting on a police man for 45 min and raising my insurance.
3. My hormones are crazier than a bat in direct sunlight....( i just made that phrase up..but i think its how i feel...a little lost and changing direction sporadically)
4. I've pitched about 6 songs to commercials..some getting "close" they say, but NO CIGAR. Today i realized i've really wanted a cigar!!!!
5. Today "kinda" sucked only "kinda" because there were good parts too. (Like tonight when Bennett asked me to rest with him before bed. We rested in silence except when he tooted...and i giggled...then he giggled...then we both giggled like little kids...well, he is a little kid; but we giggled and i remembered feeling small and free.

Bring out the Fatted Calf

2010-09-07T13:03:00.001-07:00

Bring out the Fatted Calf

It’s the happy day you were born.

I labored for you 3 years ago and would do it all again

Yes, I love you! My blond head boy..

So much so my heart hurts…

Let ‘s fill those blue eyes with wonder and delight!!!

Bring out the Fatted Calf ( ie: Jumpy castle)

Invite the little friends…( and put mustaches on them)

Call the musicians to sing and play…( 4- square)

Let us eat cake (a digger one just for you)

Fill the bowls with food and wine ( mac-n-cheese and beer )

Come eat and play outside…

My heart beams with pride as you beat box and dance around

Sand box filled with sweet girls and boys…( except when they throw sand)

Bring out the gifts…..bring out the toys

I feel rich now with friends….when before I felt poor

Praise The Lord who sets the lonely into friends/family….

Who brings springtime after winter

Who creates little ones so fearfully and wonderfully…

Who creates songs of praise in this hard heart of mine..

Who gives us this day to celebrate Bennett boy…

Some days are better than others

2010-08-26T18:56:00.000-07:00

a cork board for Bennett's room i made out of old branches....Kevin used the saw and almost lost a thumb helping me with this project....YIKES-oh..i would have felt horrible

I made this shirt today too..for Mr. B's big 3rd birthday coming up

the kids were bathed

Kevin bought Bennett a soccer ball and cleats for his soccer season starting on his birthday...
it was a good day:

Most days i'm happy if i get each child fed and kept safe. Anything on top of that is gravy. That's not true. I usually am un-happy about the fact that i cant have a moment to myself. There are a million projects in the air, laundry piled up on dryer..clean and dirty..( crap which ones are clean..and which ones dirty?).....toys scattered about the house, i spend more time talking to a 2 year old than adults, I have to ask my husband for the chance to shower or see a friend or write music in order to have the kids watched, i miss GOD with a deep deep empty longing...i miss TIME TIME TIME -unhindered time. i miss sleep. i miss my husband and just running out the door to a concert with him or to dinner...and half the time i have the running question in my head..."How did my parents do it?".......
I am learning i am horribly selfish. I love Kevin and yet most of the time i ask things of him more than converse with him.

these are many days...i am ashamed to admit....

but some days......i look at my wonderful husband in the eye and am deeply thankful and full of love for him, and have the capacity/energy to tell him and show him...
some days i've had a good nights sleep....( thanks to my parents sleep training AMOS LAST WEEK....THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU..its a gift that keeps giving)
Some days i see my sweet baby and can barely keep myself from EATING him...he's so dang cute...i have to just squeeze his thighs...
some days im overwhelmed with the gift i have in staying home and hearing Bennett's funny comments and teaching him every day things that tears of joy come to my eyes...
some days i sense GOD..and His love while im folding the 3rd load of laundry....
some days...both boys sleep at the same time and i can let the worries of the world fall away and BE CREATIVE....today i worked on a few things..preparing for Bennett's 3rd birthday.....time ticking in my ears....a smile on my face...i worked as though each minute were gold....
i CREATED...

More Conversations with a 2 year old

2010-08-14T17:49:00.001-07:00

Bennett wearing his "underwear" hat....

Conversation #1

Daddy: "Bennett what is the letter of the day you learned?"
Bennett: "Letter C " (said with enthusiasm)
Daddy: "What word begins with C?"
Bennett: " B-B-B-....AMOS!" ( said with more enthusiasm)

Conversation # 2

Bennett: "when i grow up i dont want to be a clown...i want to be a drummer"
Mommy: " oh...drummer Bennett"
Bennett: "no my name is LOCKSHINE"....
Mommy: "Lockshine?"

( this coming from a boy who named his blanky...."ShingJang".....

Conversation# 3 -

BEFORE NAP:

Tantrum screaming Bennett coming home from the East Nashville Tomato Fest: "I wanna go back to tomatofresh....i wanna go back to Tomatofresh...i dont want to leave.......i wanna go back to Tomatofresh........( insert loud screaming) Amos.... now crying too in the car.....

Mommy singing/repeating in front seat: "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus...there's just something about your name ( i sing that song when im about to LOOSE IT!)

Tantrum Bennett: " I wanna go back to tomatofresh........etc. etc. etc....

AFTER NAP

Bennett: "mommy i love you"
Mommy:" ahhh..i love you too"
Bennett: "Amos i love you"......
Mommy: "ahhh Amos loves you too, and loves when you dont take toys from him or step on him"

This 2 year old Jekyll and Hyde thing is wearing me out....

STEP UP 3D

2010-08-11T20:39:00.001-07:00

The movie STEP UP 3D.....was everything i hoped for and more!!!!
Esp. when its seen sitting next to good friends that will mock it with you and take funny pictures reenacting dance moves after. Seriously havent laughed that hard in a while.....ah my soul feels satisfied tonight. The movie is surprisingly AMAZING in 3D....all those smooth moves comin' at ya from the big screen....the love story...WHEW!! hose kids know how to dance...
That was $14.50 well spent....

Faith, me and Charla rockin' the 3D shades...yo!

AWWWW yeah...

Born from a BOOM BOX!!!!!

What's Faith doing in the back?

Busy busy days...

2010-08-10T11:19:00.000-07:00

Daddy resting with the boys...

Watchout! Happy baby coming...

Watch out....Baby up to something, like grabbing mommy's computer..

Amos crawls at 5 months and now pulls up to standing at 6 months...
i now must guard his fall from standing position lots of the day....i also am running around asking Bennett if he needs to use potty ...as we are now in the THICK of training.
I rarely get to go to the bathroom by myself or get a shower by myself..as a child is always around it seems....Bennett asks questions constantly
Amos boy moves constantly
Kevin is working so hard at church, real estate and any side job he can pick up
ON TOP of being an incredible daddy...
I am cleaning...having play dates...girl dates some nights...
also i try to write music any second i have to myself and am still pitching some to commercials...
there is a new song i will try and post that is being considered for a commercial now....called
"Happy in Love" and that is indeed what i am...
i am exhausted....Kevin is exhausted...but i am thankful to GOD for these busy days...
and i am "Happy in love" with my boys....

a breathing home

2010-08-04T12:32:00.000-07:00

oh quiet house! that rests now...calm before the storm..
its as if i can hear you breathe in and out...out and in...gathering strength again...
breathe in and out...out and in ...like the sleeping boys with blankies
Resting well before you wake again. Your slamming doors, fast feet on floors...laughter hitting walls...baby coos.....questions loud..drum beat sounds...
pitter patter...dog that barks when people knock ...
"Hello..come in.....good bye...". The heat is HOT outside..you shade us well until the night
You rest again....this cycle of a breathing home...
The Spirit wind that circles round' each room...filling hearts with truth
and help......the Spirit that is truly Home...making this a breathing place...
in and out...out and in...
rest well...and i will too...the minutes tick and tock before we wake again...

Recent conversations with a 2 year old

2010-07-30T20:19:00.000-07:00

CONVERSATION #1
Bennett: " Mommy i went potty"..."Can i have a cookie?"
Mommy: " Bennett why didnt you tell me you needed to go....you get a cookie only if you go in the potty and not in your pants."....
Bennett: "I went in the grass like Zeal does"...
Mommy: " Only doggies and animals go pee pee in the grass....
Bennett:"I want to wear a diaper".....

(Thus goes potty training)

CONVERSATION #2

Bennett: "Mommy, Amos has my digger i dont want him to have my digger.
Mommy: "Amos is getting bigger and you are going to have to share your toys...
Bennett: "Maybe when Amos is bigger he can go away"....

Conversation # 3

Mommy: " i cant hold you and Amos at the same time..you're going to have to walk"
Bennett: "Mommy hold me...i am going to get bigger"...

( thus mommy holds both in arms while walking, eyes filled with tears.,..knowing he's right ...)

Conversation #4

Mommy and Daddy: " The thunder is loud outside isnt it?...Does the noise scare you?"
Bennett: " No".....(as he jumps on bed and lets out a loud toot/fart)
Bennett: "I made thunder".....

( Daddy laughs and beams with pride..that's his boy)

Bye Bye Warrens

2010-07-28T13:11:00.000-07:00

"Every Good and perfect gift is from above"
Jas 1:17

bye bye Warrens....we will SO SO Miss you...
Texas better treat you well....

Mann Mustaches

2010-07-21T21:29:00.000-07:00

There is a lot to say.....but im too exhausted tonight. What should be said is that this town is FULL of talented people...and Sarah Beaty is one of them ( she took these photos for free at Tweed Baby Outfitters kid day that my friend Vanessa Warren set up.) Speaking of Vanessa...my heart is heavy to realize the Warrens are living in Nashville only 8 more days........They are moving to Texas. GOD gives and takes away......and this taking is super hard for me. She is one of my very best friends...boo hooo hoo.....

4th Fun

2010-07-14T21:06:00.001-07:00

Don Don prepared everything to a T...little tables and chairs for little ones...

Chubby Aimes soaking in the sun

Bennett and Cousin Shannon smile shirtless

Zeal was in heaven

Amos and Carmen

it doesnt get any better than this...

and so...i must display a little array of the fun we had on the 4th.....better late than never i suppose. we went to Macon Ga to see Kevin's family.......they are so great...we had lots of fun in the pool and sun

Crawling

2010-07-09T12:41:00.000-07:00

Little baby that once could be contained within my arms
throughout the day...
is on the move away....
onto shiny toys that lie just out of reach..
baby clothes revealing need to better clean my floors as he moves and collects
dog hair and more...
This is the beginning of letting go...this process is fast and slow...
little hand in front the other...mama wants to hold him still
and never let him go
only 5 months! Can mama press rewind? and yet she's proud inside
of this little guy who crawls away....a little more each day....

These are a few of my favorite things

2010-06-25T12:56:00.001-07:00

Bennett's desire to roar like a bear all the time

cool hats on cool cats

something about Amos' smile and sparkly eyes

Bennett's helping hand and a daddy who teaches

Bennett hugging his sheep one minute

and then chasing me the next

with claws and monster feet and training underwear

the way Amos grabs his right toe with his right hand

Amos' baby fat rolls

i love the part where Amos' hand and wrist come together in puffy cuteness

That my boys can wear the same size diaper

Bennett's Prayer today

2010-06-18T08:46:00.001-07:00

Today i walked in Bennett's room while he was playing drums...( THIS CHILD LOVES DRUMS)...and he clasped his hands in prayer and said "Dear Lord..i pray for the drums...a wierd song...loud like a storm or somethin'...Amen".....
I'm not sure what his soul was asking from GOD...but i think he wants ROCK & Roll.....

Spreading the Love

2010-06-15T11:44:00.000-07:00

above: Bennett admiring his papa....

grandpa teaches bennett some golf moves

My beautiful blue eyed Amos boy..

Grandma and Bennett share a laugh before lunch

Grandpa, grandma and Bennett hit some golf balls

Bennett hugs his future wife Emmy during a play date..

This weekend my parents came in town and spread the love......Kevin and i got a date night, Amos showed off his rolling over and almost crawling skills, Kevin instructed mom on some golf swings....Bennett got new playmates with grandma and grandpa...it was a nice time....

Funny moment of the day: Today when i picked up Bennett from school i forgot to turn my music down before we got back in the car...hence when we got in it was loud, and i turned to Bennett and asked if he was ok? and he said with pure delight in his eyes...."ROCK AND ROLL Mama"....
i smiled and thought....that's our boy....
p.s. Dad, if you read this...I have to stop this blog early due to a pillow being thrown in my face by "you-know-who".....i've become Bennett's wrestling partner/ pillow fighter now that you guys left...he is also telling me to shut the computer and fight him....
duty calls

Just talking...

2010-05-26T13:44:00.000-07:00

The boys are sleeping and the house is eerily quiet. I stopped bleaching my bathroom floor ( which had a few "accidents" on it from Bennett's attempts at peeing in potty)....because the silence was getting to me...and so was the fact that in my "free" time...i choose to BLEACH THE FLOOR! ( but it has to get done...im grossed out with potty training at the moment)
I just want to talk...

Whats up with the ending of the show LOST? ..i liked and hated it at the same time.
What ever happened to Penny..and baby Aaron? Why was he a baby again in the end? Are they saying heaven is like living with your memories? ...im "LOST"

Today Bennett, Aimes and i were driving to a childrens concert and Bennett asked
"can we walk on the clouds?" and i said..."that would be fun, but they are way too high...even a ladder wont reach up to them"...to which he replied..."If we were super...we could go up there"....
and then my heart re-melted with love for that kid...

Bennett says....alligator for elevator.....colorpater for caterpillar...and lots of other cute things that i should write down...which i am here....so i guess thats good.

I got my hair cut yesterday...i like it...i kinda want to die it darker...or go platinum blond...but i doubt i'll do either.

I wish we owned a boat. Growing up we did and i LOVED our whole family getting out together in nature and water ...skiing, exploring islands..etc.

Im hungry and i get to go out to eat with Vanessa tonight...just me and her.... i CANT WAIT. There is a really good new restaurant around East Nashville called "Silly Goose" ..its my new favorite...

That's all i want to talk about now.....Amos wakes......and awaits...

Which Ones?

2010-05-19T05:03:00.000-07:00

My heart is so happy my friend Vanessa Warren captured Amos in photos before he is HUGE!!!! This boy is 3 months old wearing 6 month clothing. Each day seems to be on caffeine ......highly energized and passing too fast. I wanted to get baby announcements out before he is a teenager and at least before he is pre-teen with facial hair...ha ha. Vanessa, i know you will see this blog...but KNOW you are SO dear to my heart and i will always cherish these memories you captured so well and because it was YOU who took them. You did a great job. Fo- Reals. One of my other best friends, Mandy Robinson ( hopefully you'll read this) took baby pics of Bennett and those pics are forever special to me too. I can see how much Amos and Bennett look alike as babies in the smiling photos....what a rich heritage the Lord has brought Kevin and i...
"Sons are a heritage from the Lord"......i am BLESSED.....( i need to remember this when i am changing the 10th poopy diaper today)
So any ways...anyone who reads this blog? Which ones are your favorites for announcements? i like SO many of them ..i cant choose.

Prayer for Amos

2010-05-14T12:29:00.000-07:00

Today i held you while the rains fell outside...
close in my arms while thunder roared
One thunder cracked so loud it made you frown deep
I got the chance to kiss away that fear before the tears came...
i got the chance to whisper louder than thunder in your ears...
and tell you "it's ok".....
My prayer is that The Lord would always hold you close
And that you would ALLOW Him to....
that you would understand that HE wants to
whisper louder in your ears than the worries of this world...

"He rebuked the winds and waves and it was completely calm...The Men were amazed and asked" What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey Him" Matthew 8:27

My Mommy's Day Weekend

2010-05-10T19:15:00.001-07:00

My sister, Amy, pushing mom in the MS walk... the whole family walked Saturday in efforts to help fight against MS and support mama in her personal fight
Dad, Mom, Amy, Scott, Mason, Ashyln, Kevin, Me, bennett and Amos...all walked the 3 miles for mama in Marietta, Ga..
A yummy Mother's Day breakfast all together at Goldbergs
Kevin and i celebrated our 8th Anniversary with dinner in Atlanta at Pitty Pat's Porch ( our first date)

Bennett's Mother's Day gifts to me....He kept saying "Happy Birthday mommy" as he handed me a leaf, flower, stick..etc.....

w
A season of Motherhood.....old memories mixing with new
Memories of my mommy...then and now
Loveliness always covers her ...thoughtfulness....beauty...
In midst of struggles she is graceful and optimistic
I remember when i would call her name most of my day..
she and daddy were my world...i was their little girl,
...i will always be...
I cry for mommy still.....she is a phone call away...
a rock ....a stronghold in my heart....
Days can go by...i dont tell her enough..
that i love her.
She teaches me to be a better mommy...
Now...that i am one..
now that my little ones call my name all day....with words and coos..
Each boy carving unique places into my heart...caverns deep
here to stay...my love for them...and my love for her....

And the rains came down

2010-05-03T20:08:00.000-07:00

Bennett and i splash around in our yard "pool"

Uprooting happening everywhere ( this tree was down the street)

This is Shelby park...the lake flooded over bennett's swing set we go to...

Downtown

flooding up to our stadium

large debris floating down Cumberland river

train tracks fade into water

1st Ave buildings 1/2 way under water

waters up to the door knob

This is a gas station underwater and it smells like gas down town

Moment when the world feels right

2010-04-28T10:33:00.000-07:00

Amos is getting so big....3 months old....chunky adorable monkey

Cant sit up for long by himself......here he falls with a smile

He smiles with his whole being...
every part of him happy to see me smiling back...
All the world around us disappears for a brief moment
A moment when all the world feels right
Im exactly where i want to be...you curled up in my arms looking at me...

The need to be held

2010-04-05T10:00:00.000-07:00

Sharing laughs and food

Billy twirls Bennett and his future wife Emmy

Amos gives Easter smiles

This morning began with me feeding Amos while Bennett was tugging at my pant legs demanding to be held with tears and frustration. i spend most days like this lately....one of the boys longing for me to hold them. I know one day i will BEG for them to want me to hold them...but for now i am kinda getting tired of the constant tug at my sleeve. This NEED to be held...this longing for sole attention ..this desire to have a playmate...and play all day are real desires of their heart. AS an adult i forget this need....anyway...here are a few pics from Easter...PLAYING hard. and i digress...turn my attention and gaze towards my boys to play a little...HAPPY EASTER SEASON...may GOD be alive in our lives....giving us HIS attention and holding us and our desires.

some Sun and shine

2010-03-30T13:34:00.000-07:00

let the warmth come and touch us back to life....
son and shine touch touch to wake me up again....
the winter was so cold and the dark was so long....
the baby cried so much and time stole the songs
that hid deep beneath the ground.....
they are coming up to surface, bright yellow flourish...
i can hear the little melodies of hope again...
Son and shine touch touch to wake again...
the baby begins to coo and smile and laugh....

Little Victories

2010-03-14T13:08:00.000-07:00

Little Victories these days

1. Sitting in the back of church holding my boys...listening to Kevin sing music over us....letting the stress fall....letting His mercy be new
2. Hearing Bennett count his m&m's and name the colors....
3. Changing 14 diapers a day and realize im not hating it as much as i did
4. Feeding a baby while chasing a toddler around the house and cooking dinner
5. Having a moment to blog
6. Having 4 consecutive hours of sleep
7. Having wonderful parents watch the kids for a night so Kevin and i can have time
8. A good sangria and a good cry
9. The feeling of Amos' first smile stealing my heart forever
10. A new song rising in my heart...
11. Hearing birds outside beckon forth spring
12. A Saturday morning jog by myself
13. Laughing at BENNETT's tantrum being thrown while baby screams
14. Laughing at MY tantrum being thrown while baby screams
15. Letting the little victories be enough

Amos is here

2010-02-14T09:40:00.001-08:00

Dark haired ...beautiful Amos

My Parents with the boyz

Amos can cry loud...and still look cute

Bennett hiding with Amos' pacifier in mouth ( upside down)

The 4 of us

in hospital

friends visit

Grandpa Mann

grandma (Don Don) & Aunt Kelly

Bennett holding Amos the 1st time

proud daddy

"Wonder of all wonders...everything has changed...ever since i met you.... beauty has a name." Thad Cockrill wrote that...and it perfectly applies to my heart towards baby Amos. Its a brand new love i have for this boy....His smile captures my soul.GOD opened my heart to love this one....just like he opened my heart to love Bennett.
Here is Amos' birth story...such a story of GOD's kindness and redemption as those of you who read this know my fears from the last delivery.

I went 5 days past my due date.....went to Dr. Storck (yes that's her real name)on February 2nd where she stripped my membranes. My awesome Doula, Susie Meeks, came over after and did a few things i wont mention...( i will mention that Kevin and i laughed a lot though). I sent Susie home so that we could watch the premier of Lost. BUT Amos had other plans.....i started close contractions; took a shower in disbelief this was happening. Kevin & I knew it was time but went about our business..packing...dressing Bennett, calling my parents to come from Atlanta...calling my Doula to come back, calling my friend Faith to come help with Bennett. Kevin timing the contractions....Bennett running from shower to Kevin saying..."mommy says..ouch ow ow...daddy". I was sane...could talk and walk. UNTIL.....when doula got there i was already 5 centimeters dialated. Faith wasnt answering her phone which made us stay home a little longer than my doctor would have wanted. But i liked it that way ( even though it could have been dangerous).....i couldnt talk through contractions anymore.....
We got to the hospital at 8:30. I had Amos at 11:45 naturally. They laid baby on my tummy after birth, and Kevin and i cried at the goodness of GOD...the redeeming story. It HURT SO BAD...im not gonna lie. I wanted the epidural during it..but the contractions were so fast and close i couldnt even get the words out. The only words i got out...was " JESUS I need You"......JESUS COME"...."mommy" and some noises i never knew i could make...nor like to remember.....I threw up a lot due to the pain ....i bit Kevin twice (not hard...i wasnt thinking straight...but it should be noted what an incredible encouragement Kevin was), ....i popped blood vessels in my eyes, and lots of capillaries in my face burst pushing the 45 minutes at the end. It looked like i had freckles when it was over. BUT, in the midst..GOD gives you enough...and it its beautiful at the same moment of pain. Such a miraculous thing! I FELT it all.....i heard Amos' first cry and felt him in my belly one second and on my chest the next.
He is here...and no matter what way it happened i would be thankful....but i am extra thankful just due to my past fears..thank you JESUS....thank YOU!!!
His name was the next phase of labor. He looked like Amos right away to me, however i knew our family didnt like the name. i cried many tears over this (partly hormones im sure) and prayed hard during the 2 sleepless nights in hospital. Lennon was the name...but we couldnt settle on it..and i felt deep in my heart he was Amos. So here he is: Thank you God for:
Amos (carried by God)
Lennon (dear one)
Mann
born 2-2-10 at 11:45 , 7 pounds 13 oz, 20 inches. our little gift.
The days have passed fast...as i know they will. Each moment a gift if we can look at it that way during Bennett's terrible tantrums and requests to put the baby back in his tummy. i kindly tell him that the baby cant go back in anyone's tummy.
My parents came in town and watched Bennett while we healed a bit...they cooked, cleaned, loved on us and the boyz....now Kevin's parents are in town....we are thankful. So thank FULL.

In the midst

2010-01-29T11:13:00.000-08:00

Snow man # 1......# 2 is coming...much biGGER

Zeal is loving all this snow

Snowy night walking on Shelby Bridge

Snowflakes mounting on top of each other...

Warm inside

Lots of sleigh rides with daddy

The groceries have been bought, stocked up and stored....again and again
The last load of laundry has been done ( and then necessarily done again...)
The days mount on top of the next like the warm t-shirts i fold...
Prayers asked for and prayed.
One on top of the other....the days come and go. No baby.
The readiness i feel is today getting hushed by the snow
steadily falling outside my window....lulling me to a sleepy lack of expectancy....
I go outside to feel the sting of cold on my face, walk long distances (over and over again.)
Herbs are taken....articles read...doctor's visits...calls to parents and friends...
Last moments before baby are cherished again and again...
Bennett is scooped up in my arms and dragged from place to place again..
I rest my nose on his nose and whisper "I love you"...again...and again as if something is about to change...
Readiness settles in deeper...... mounts higher.....like snowflakes on top snowflakes...
a little more each day....
in the midst of it all is peace and unrest....
A re-learning of the journey....not the end.
I keep waiting for the beginning...but waiting is a beginning.... a furthering of the bigger story and soon enough the story will unfold a little more.....
Cant wait to meet the new little fellow...hold him, see his features...his toes...
his hair?..What color?....what his name will be...
To carry on this journey alongside a new creation....a new gift in the midst of our journey...

No new baby for us yet...but Happy Birthday Noah

2010-01-19T09:18:00.000-08:00

Ug these two are SO cute...esp. in matching robot shirts

Happy B-day Noah

Vanessa, Noah and Mark

I realized that if i titled this post "Happy Birthday Noah" some people would assume i had the new baby and named him Noah......ha ha. Here are a few pics of our dear friends ( and bennett's) little Noah turning 2 years old. Vanessa snapped some awesome pics. ( As always). Bennett and Noah went to the Science Museum and had a grand time celebrating...We came home and ate pizza and had Gigi's yummy cupcakes....great day in the middle of this waiting for baby #2. We are thankful. Happy 2nd birthday Noah Bean.

Truth V/s Feelings

2010-01-12T07:40:00.000-08:00

This entry is me re-telling myself some things....God is nudging me into clearer thinking and dashing wrong views ive had of Him. Its been a sweet time like that. ..read if you like..its long and mostly a journal entry...a place to pour thoughts out. The new lesson: TRUTH VS FEELING...spurred on by a class at our church. Before i dig in.....i give myself full freedom from the guilt of "feeling" things. He created us all human with feelings and reason.....and loves us. In the Bible it says "Jesus wept" for a widow whose son He was about to raise from the dead. He "felt" her pain and walked beside her...even though He was about to fix it all. He wept before he raised her son. Why? This floors me.....maybe He cares for our feelings? HOWEVER, i am ruled by feelings much of the time. Sometimes my feelings create lies about GOD's Character. Such as: I "feel" sad = GOD doesnt love me...or i "feel" happy= God is pleased with me...or i "feel" warm and snug in my home=GOD loves me... i "feel" lonely= GOD isnt there.

Point is....truth remains outside our feelings. "GOD is the same yesterday as today" regardless of how i feel.

When Bennett asks for his 5th cookie that i know will give him a tummy ache, i refuse him...he "feels" mad at me....doesnt understand me....but truth remains that i LOVE him.

I think alot of the time GOD works this way...I "feel"...and it distorts my view of Him.

This class is teaching us the truths of God's character that we know from the Bible. To name an immediate example of how its helping me:

1. I "feel" scared about labor coming up...

Truths: Heb 13:5 "Never will i leave you; never will i forsake you"... or

"not a hair falls from my head without Him knowing..." Romans 8:28 " God works for the good

of those who love him".....on and on...there are many verses that could bring me comfort and dash fears. BUT..i also know He walks into the fear with me...

this Year at the ocean...alone...i jumped in the warm green water and stared out into the horizon that never ended. I let the tears fall...tears that i had never let surface since Bennett was born. i felt the ebb and flow of water lull me into a peaceful rhythm...until all i felt was my heart hurting...i "re-felt" the abandon-ment of my last delivery... Hard to explain..i just felt adandoned by GOD at the end. I wanted to come to the ocean and cry and tell Him i was scared of another delivery...i wanted to yell at GOD and ask why...so i did. I YELLED SO HARD THAT I LOST MY VOICE...i YELLED AT HIM TILL HIS PEACE CAME...( a few people looked at me weird.. but i didnt care..there was barely anyone around)

It was a weird peace that came there...it was real ...to me ...very real and present. His presence seemed to say 'i know"....

And that was it ! and that was all i needed from Him. He didnt offer me any verses or remedies...only His presence that knew i hurt and i was still scared...and that spoke volumes to me.....He Knows......and i somehow i felt He loves me.

So..i go into this labor "FEELING" a bit scared..and knowing a Truth beyond that feeling.

Drum Roll Please

2010-01-05T18:36:00.001-08:00

Bennett running from diaper change to play his drums

Bennett and his friend Sawyer at Hockey Game

Bennett and his hockey puck

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-MfM68VbRM

Click on this link to see Bennett's drum roll action

In my head is a little tick and tock....knowing my days are numbered before i give birth to a new being. At the same time i have a two year old that beats on a drum set he got for Christmas ( really well i might add.....please view "You-tube" video and be amazed..ha ha). Seems Bennett is giving this baby a drum roll to enter this world with.........."bum bum bum bum..presenting......BABY!!!" Its surreal to feel contractions and see my belly move around and have the excitement AND FEAR of pending birth. I praise GOD for my boys and look forward to a new little one all his own. My Boys..(Kevin and Bennett) were at a hockey game tonight enjoying a date together. Kevin said Bennett got featured on the jumbo-tron, got his own hockey puck...and had the best time ever...it makes me slightly wish i was there. But tonight has been a sweet quiet "Girls night" for me. My dog Zeal and i...resting on couch watching T.V, washing tiny clothes, preparing a baby car seat...remembering, cleaning, organizing, thinking of pending snow on ground tomorrow, just me, the dog, and the tick tock in my head...the wonder of when?

6th Annual Christmas Tradition

2009-12-13T11:49:00.000-08:00

Its that time of year again......Dicken's Christmas! We love it and being with the Warrens.

Our 6th annual picture with Santa and the Warrens..and this time maybe Mrs. Clause was involved...but why is she wearing green?

The police are about to beat a poor pregnant woman.....whose this other lady in green?

Our boys with their boys

Bennett and Noah laugh and make faces at the animals

Vanessa, Mark and Noah honoring the tradition of Kettle Corn

Here Comes The Son

2009-11-13T22:44:00.000-08:00

My friend Kelli Trontell took these photo's. She is talented and blessed our family with some recent photos for Christmas (which will make later appearance). You should check her out here at http://kellitrontell.blogspot.com/.... If you read this Kelli..THANK YOU!!!! THANK YOU! It makes me smile to have this rapidly fleeting pregnancy captured by photo. All of life seems waiting and hurrying. Now, i am hurrying. 10 weeks away till baby! What seemed like a long pregnancy....has quickly flown by. I'm scurrying around the house, re-arranging furniture, making honey-to-do lists for Kevin ( poor Kevin), impatiently doing the lists myself since he's working HARD for us outside these four walls we call home....HE IS AMAZING, talking to Bennett about baby in tummy trying to prepare him, squeezing in last memories that are just me, Kevin and Bennett ( and Zeal), worrying about health of baby, worrying about delivery, calling a doula to help me, and finally resting at GOD's feet when the day is done. I think of the song "Here comes the Sun" by the Beatles and change the word sun to son. I sing it in my head..."Here Comes The Sun" da dah dah da.....Here comes the sun.....its all right... da dah dah dah dah...." and remind myself that not a hair falls from my head ( or baby's) without GOD knowing.....

p.s. Shout out to my good friend Vanessa Warren who does these amazing graphic Christmas photo packages for your holiday needs.You just give her the picture and she does the magic. she is VERY talented.The 4 people who read my blog should check her out here at.....

http://butterflysparks.typepad.com/butterflysparks_designs/

Before Halloween

2009-10-30T07:18:00.000-07:00

Bennett in his skeleton pajamas...eating

Bennett is OBSESSED with drums, piano...music...and ( we are proud to annouce that he loves most the band U2...) He is a little rocker these days...here is my friend Faith playing drums while he plays his piano. Last night we went to an outdoor concert and he asked for a guitar. You wish is our command, Bennett.....that will be his Christmas gift.

Here, all the pacifiers are getting ready to go to Paci Heaven. ( the trash can)...we celebrated by having a pacifier party...with balloons, a cookie, a present once he threw them away. He skipped naps for about 3 days...and nights were ROUGH! but all is getting better now.

This blog is kinda for my parents to see how Bennett is doing these days...we miss our family since we havent seen them in a while..here is an update

Walk down the street

2009-10-25T13:36:00.001-07:00

Today i went on a long walk with my dog...it was beautiful outside. Leaves changing, air crisp and cool.... strangers calling me to remember my large pregnant belly. Yea, i know im getting bigger in pregnancy when these things occur on my walk down the street: ( im not making ANY of these comments up...these really happened.)

1. "Pregnant ageen?" You gotta stop havin babies".......

2. A person 4 houses away from me says

" Awww. Look at that cute baby bump". I realize that she can see my belly from pretty far away!

3. A man raking leaves says ( a different man from man #1) "are you pregnant AGeen? man, you have a hump on ya dont chu? ....." Then as I kindly smile and keep walking I hear him behind me say....."Wheweeee!". Its of course not that sexy "Wheweeee" call out to pretty women when men see them; its the...."abnormally large pregnant belly" call when people feel sorry for you.

4. I stop to rest for a minute fearing I wont make it home to the restroom in time....eyeing possible private spots to pee. ( Let it be known that i did not pee in someone's back yard...i made it home in time).

5. I want to punch an innocent stranger that stops at the stop sign and smiles out the window at me....".a sweet knowing smile" as she see's my belly. im thinking all the while..."What are you smiling at? This isnt some sweet thing...i havent slept for days and my hormones are making me depressed, and this being has to COME OUT OF ME in three months"

No.....in all reality i know this is a sweet time. A true miracle is going on, and the fact that i am housing and co-creating a human being is remarkable. What a gift i get to participate in. My hormones rob me of that too many times......but i know its a gift. People just shock me with what they say sometimes.......

Insomnia

2009-10-14T07:02:00.000-07:00

This pregnancy has been interesting to say the least. Last night i got about 3 hours of sleep, and this morning Bennett tuggs at my sleeve demanding a playmate. ( he just walked up to me and said..."Hey mommy, not talking?". Ah my little chatterbox. its so cute. And, i might add, he just came up to me and said " change my diaper mommy" hmmmm im slacking on my morning mommy duties.

I feel hightened things this morning:

I feel like i REALLY want a cinnamon roll. We're heading out the door after this blog to get one. Praise GOD!!!

I miss music alot..listening to it..singing it...being around it. Want it to come back into my life.

I miss my mom and dad and being small and taken care of.

I miss Jogging ( alone)....( cant seem to shake the thought that if i go jogging now, i will cause the cord to wrap around babies neck.)

I cant wait to see the movie "Where the Wild Things Are"....and want my birthday to quietly slide by as i watch it.

I want to sleep...but cant

I want to want Jesus today more than money......its been a struggle.

I want to stop obsessing about what i can do financially to help and rest where GOD has me in this season

I want to hold this verse closely today...

" He is not the GOD of the dead but of the Living" Matthew 22:32

I want to know He is my GOD now...and i dont have to long for heaven to meet with Him

I want to keep writing but Bennett wont let me.....

I want to travel around the world with Kevin...see Greece....see Italy.....see blue blue water ...

GRRRRROAR

2009-10-10T08:55:00.000-07:00

grrroaaaaar!!!! .....i cant think of any other way to describe how i feel!!! I want to squeeze and hug my son..he is so cute...but he wont let me!!! i can only say...gggrrrrroar ( in a loving way)!!! I just ran to hug him and squeeze him and he pushed me away and yelled...."IM NOT CUTE....IM BENNETT...GO AWAY MOMMY"....so i had to run here and place my adoration elsewhere.....words on white....instead of arms around my son. I feel like the aunt that runs around pinching cheeks. Sometimes a mama only has a blog to run to while the "Boys" play. Bennett is banging the drum LOUDLY in the background, dogs ears are pinned back in protest to the noise, while Daddy plays guitar with the black crows on radio. My heart feels happy ...and discontent at the same time...i just want to grab BENNETT and squeeze him, but he wont let me. GRRROARRRRR!!!

MOmmy Jesus Loves You

2009-10-02T09:09:00.000-07:00

So today my son said " mommy, Jesus loves you". Let me explain before you get amazed at the spiritual insight of our two year old. I don't wear jewelry....i'm amazed that my pierced ears havent closed by now ....and normally all i wear is a wedding ring. Im just not wired that way...not a jewelry girl. HOWEVER, i do love one necklace these days. It's the Catholic version of Jesus surrounded by sparkle sequins.....i just like it for some reason. I dont think that's what He really looked like, but it just makes me laugh. They make Him look all serious and quiet in the necklace. When i know the stories of Jesus to be different. He shook things up... was verbal and ALIVE. anyway... When i get ready to go out on the town...Bennett notices my "flair" around my neck and i tell him its "JESUS".....

He first said..."Mommy, i want Jesus". Of course referring to wanting my necklace. But i quickly said to GOD ....."Hey, did you hear that??? He wants Jesus.."...Today he saw my necklace and i let him wear it and play with it....( He put Jesus in his mouth as you can see below....) but i said to him " You're so cute Bennett, i love you....Jesus loves you too". He said back to me "Mommy, Jesus loves you". I laughed but somehow it really hit me deep inside and made me want to cry. I know He didnt know what he was saying but it got things started. I then read him some stories from the children's Bible to explain He is more than a face on a necklace......

Anyway....Its a comment forever etched in my memory....from the mouth of a babe...He reminded me today.

Summer is giving up the fight

2009-09-24T10:27:00.001-07:00

ahhhh. i can feel it. In the mornings and night...summer giving up the fight. Fall is my favorite for so many reasons....

1. Gentry's Farm: pumpkin picking, hay ride....hot chocolate.....corn maze...

2. Little cardigan sweaters on baby boys....and sweaters for me...long sleeves and jeans.

3. Cool breezes that cause color to fall off trees and gather in pools below of red, orange & yellow

4. Deep longings resurfacing.....something about the air...the wind...the smell. My heart longs for a romance that cant be filled on this earth....eternity

5. Outdoor concerts...( like tonight's LIVE ON THE GREEN....its free. MPJ, Thad Cockrill, Dave Barnes....LOVE IT.

6. Spices like...nutmeg and cinnamon

7. Camping and campfires

8. Biking

to name a few. Anything you guys love about Fall???

Its a boy

2009-09-16T11:00:00.000-07:00

To be honest, i have no great proclaim!!!..."ITS A BOY ITS A BOY"....my heart only feels heavy today, like the rain. Its not a sad thing... not a happy thing right now..only peaceful steady...like the rain. Steady, steady heavy rain...cleaning...making new again. I can feel Him beckon me to His feet to rest, and think again. Hot cup of coffee in hand...let the good healing of Jesus begin.

Make me see You ...King of Creation...steady like the rain. Dont stop falling...revealing ...calling me to Your feet again. I bring You myself ...my belly full of boy...and give You my life again. Its just You really i want...not a belly full of girl or boy.....all i want is Your story unfolding...steady steady...heavy....like the rain. Its a boy! ITs a boy!...a gift i understand....but i feel it steady like the rain.

I admit it

2009-09-12T10:42:00.000-07:00

Poverty stimulates creativity i always say.....and what i am about to admit may disgust some of you guys...and yet it must be something you already know about me. My house is such a hodge podge of gatherings.

I love thrift stores...except the smelly, dirty nature of it all. I wash items well when home.

i LOVE getting a bargain. I LOVE LOVE going through Anthropologie to get lots of ideas and then going to thrift stores to copy best i can. I will show you my creations soon. Today i got vintage curtains to hang in our family room....that i will sew and create, They are gorgeous....each will be about $ 4 bucks. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? They are the length we need too.....our tall ceilings are a challenge sometimes. At Anthropologie i saw curtains like that for $180 a panel!!!

I got some stylish cowboy boots that mimic $80 ones i was about to buy the other day...total $6....

I got a BUNCH of Dr. Seuss books for $1 each ...( i am in love with his children's books..they make me smile and imagine creative things as i read them to Bennett). I was seriously about to use some of Bennett's b-day money to get him some..each hard back book would be about $12 each.

i got Bennett suspenders there a while ago. (Sharon...what is your address? i have some for Abraham). Above are some PRICELESS pictures of Bennett in the suspenders that my talented friend Vanessa captured yesterday. i love these pics so much i want to cry. THANKS VANESSA....

Happy 2 little Mann

2009-09-10T09:45:00.000-07:00

Stop the busy day mama....stop your cleaning, stop your thoughts, your worries...stop the cooking and the laundry...stop and listen ...and remember. I stop the day to remember to praise GOD for my Bennett boy who turned two this weekend. We love him so....he's such a joy...such a gift to us. Kevin and i sang at a wedding this weekend in St. Simons, Ga....Kevin's mom, dad and sister & family came to celebrate at the beach too.....

All smiles

Mrs. Mann ( Don Don) made a cake for Bennett and cousin Shannon...who share the same b-day.

Bennett and Shannon at beach playing in the sand

My mama's boy is quickly turning into a papa's boy

Aunt Kelly, Don Don and Shannon building with my boy

Me pregnant and exhausted...( so is Bennett sleeping in stroller) on our LONG wait to catch a flight home on Stand by ( 10 hours total)....ALL WORTH IT. HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY my little MANN

Braggin' on my Mann

2009-08-30T13:50:00.001-07:00

"Let another praise you and not your own mouth...someone else and not your own lips"....well....here go my lips praising my Mann. You wont ever see Kevin doing it. He is so humble. He just accepted a full time position at our church; Midtown Fellowship as Worship Director..(or the title is still being worked out) b/c it holds so many different jobs....jobs that i think use Kevin's qualities; organization, team playing ( when its something he really believes in), playing music..leading music..teaching music... loving music, loving people, loving serving, brainstorming and putting it into action. etc etc. This makes me happy b/c i think Kevin will be happy here. My Mann is now out showing houses to people for real estate right AFTER leading worship early this morning which was AFTER a long weekend of installing hardwood floors in a friend's house...just serving a friend. He loves to serve....truly loves it. My tired man will come home tonight....wrestle Bennett and give his last ounce of energy to our family. He will give more from a source that pours abundantly ALL DAY LONG. Praise to The Source of all good things...that gives Kevin abundant gifts (that need to be bragged on from time to time..sorry Kevin) and for sharing him with me in this lifetime...i am THANK FULL!!!

Let the celebrations begin

2009-08-26T13:50:00.001-07:00

Life seems such a mixture of mundane and adventure...waiting and hurrying...resting and being exhausted...season's change and we are challenged to see GOD's hand in it all. I am thankful for this weekend where adventure seemed to win out. Where i could see GOD's hand obviously in wedding vows and new love....in lake water and starry skys. Kevin and i sung in a beautiful family wedding that will forever be etched in my memory, and then celebrated BIG occasions at my sisters lakehouse. Just to see water, feel it...jump in it...kayac in it...see our dog jump in it with wild abandon....see Bennett's eyes light up to catch his first fish in it was refreshing to my soul. To see my sister do yoga by the calm water...misty clouds around her....get caught in the rain with mom while kayac-ing together. To feel a new being kick wildly in my belly under starry night sky's while discussing life with dad...explore an island with Kevin..and celebrate big occasions was adventure for me these days!!! Mom and Dad are 41 years married. That is no small thing.HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO YOU GUYS... Bennett's b-day isnt till Sep 7th but we began the celebration this weekend. It was a fun weekend i am thankful for.

Below are some snap shots

Grandpa and Bennett

See Bennnett's first fish?? He's questioning if he likes it or not

Zeal and water= HAPPY DOG

My sister and mom surround Bennett with love

Kevin finds a friend for Bennett to see

My sister shared this lovely home with us this weekend.