Butterfly Sparks Designs

Friday, February 27, 2015

Fish out of water...

This lenten season the Lord has been beckoning me….ever so gently and steadily. Like a fishing lure, he casts his line with delicious bait into my lake; and i ,who am desperately hungry for more than my natural surroundings , bite in and am hooked. He gently pulls me out of my natural state…as painful as it is at times i'm thankful to be on this journey out of my normal. A fish out of water…on its way to new surroundings.

I read this morning " Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind " Romans 12:2

 I need Gods help to do that:

" I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you. I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh" Ez 36:25-26

I need the Fisherman to show me greater treasures than the ones i'm used to searching for, treasures HE considers treasures.

" For where your treasure is, there your heart will also be" Matt 6:21

I've been babysitter extraordinaire these days. Paid with quiet "thank you's" and even unspoken ones. " "Hey, where's your thank you?" but I'm a mama and know the gratitude that only a mama desperate for childcare can understand. That's why i say "yes".  Nevertheless, when it rains it pours. A friend had a  baby born in the middle of the night and i , being a close neighbor, got to babysit 2 nights with the older sibling..which really was a blessing. But alas,  then the ice storm hit and remained for days.  Our kids were out of school for almost 2 weeks, while the hubby left town for the BEACH.  I was slightly bitter towards our contrasting landscapes…me: ICE , Kevin: OCEAN. Then friends with prior plans to head out of town and working mamas in a bind think; "Hey, Let's call Mandy to watch our kids". This is where God has me now. I'd rather be nowhere else..(most the time). A caregiver is a strong and NEEDED thing in a community that grows less communal with independence. i know this . I am thankful when I'm not so tired. My heart has needed to be transformed amidst serving. i am not naturally a servant like my hubby. I don't LOVE it and lean towards it or get energy from it.  But i am learning. Jesus Himself said that He came to serve and not be served. This morning i realized something new as i watch the 5th child not my own. When i serve and keep pushing my personal agenda back. Its painful, but it's good. It's stepping towards community. It's less lonely.  God gives me timely strength,  and it proves a better way almost every time. ( Unless i'm too spent and poured out..a mama has got to take care of herself..the mothership must not go down)….

I have felt like a drink offering poured out. Coming to the Deep Waters with NEED for replenishment and then being poured out again. and then again.

I think towards my heart for adoption amidst it all. This morning i think it's possible..Other days i don't.

Sometimes i want more than this life I'm living.  I want to be known…MY name..Mandy Mann… in musical conversations as a great writer. I want to look less like a tired mama and more like a sexy lioness of a women. Yep, i said LIONESS. I want to exercise my tired body and leave the home i'm too comfortable in for a simple jog. Is that too much to ask? Yes, it is....cuz noone else is home to watch the kiddos. Instead of making kid lunches and ingesting leftover hotdogs and grilled cheese sandwiches …i want a SALAD or something adults eat.

 I can take time to make a dang salad. i just don't. I'm trusting  this journey a little more and more… maybe God's fishing hook is bringing me to new waters….a place that is better for me and my family.

No comments: