5 am talk in my head

the birds are chirping but it's dark outside. i've been up since 2am when Bennett jumped in our bed. Must have been a bad dream but he fell asleep again before we could ask. Kevin gently picked him up and carried him back to his room...... and i have been awake since thinking about everything under the sun( or moon rather). My thoughts have turned dark and light...back and forth this dance in my mind. i have replayed conversations in my head, taken a shower, tried to sleep again. i have read a blog entry by my dear friend Mary whose husband is battling a disease that is taking his every days away and keeping him in bed. It's just not fair. So much of this life isn't fair. My thoughts turned home to Georgia where my mama is recovering from foot surgery for pain in her flat feet..and it seems she now has new pain that wont go away. This will be truly unfair if it continues..This on top of the Multiple Sclerosis she fights everyday and has for years. This when she is such a fun person full of life and energy. ALways has been active..a cheerleader in College, and aerobics instructor...loves getting out and about. Great with people ..homecoming queen in college.loved and has a wonderful attitude..This disease is not fair. It's been such a long recovery for them and this foot surgery. I say them..because Dad has been such a mate to help so much and hurt his back in the process. He too loves life and is such a fun person...scuba dived, pilot, loves all types of adventures, creatures, always creating and is one of the most creative people i know, very smart, works well with his hands, calls others out into adventure, loves deep. Anyway.... To have to rely on someone elses help.....to be someone elses help. These are true tests of character...they have such amazing character. My mom and dad really do.

"Suffering produces character and character "hope" and hope doesnt disappoint ..the Bible says. hmmmmmmm

Sometimes we have to hope so long? isnt there disappointment in the waiting?

There is another verse that says "Hope deferred makes the heart sick"......

So true. The waiting is VERY HARD. i hear and somtimes know there is beauty in the waiting. This creates a place and space where we can draw near Him.. a resting in the fact that there is no answer presently..but that there will be an answer. i wait this morning alongside my friend Mary....alongside my parents...i wait for new hope in areas of my life too. i wait.
i wait a few more minutes to scoop my baby in my arms. i hear a little voice in the other room stirring....little grunts, and stretches. Amos always wakes with the sun. Outside the dark is turning gray...the birds are getting louder..............