Butterfly Sparks Designs

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Proud to be a mama.

I am hunkering down to a good book, all nestled in bed under downy white that smells clean ( after far too long) and my good mann is next to me on this cold cold night. The two little boys are asleep in their bunk beds........the old black dog is at the end of the bed, worn from a long hike in the woods. This insatiable need arises in me to record this moment in time.....my heart  feels heavy with thankfulness......i know that all surrounding me is a gift at this moment.  OH LORD ABOVE...hear me now...I AM THANKFUL!......I know its not forever...these moments of full house and noise. These rare moments of full house and quiet.

If you asked me 12 years ago if this was a picture of "the good life". I  would have said it sounds boring and too simple. Our financial state too meager...and being a stay-at-home mom "not for me"....

i had hopes and lofty dreams  ( as all young Nashville does) of singing my way into adventures unimaginable,  money enough, name recognition ..a little fame to find rest in. People and places to see...travel often....etc. etc.

As the days and years passed i realize that although there's something eternal about the desire to do grand things with gifts you've been given, there is no true rest in just that. In fact you can do grand things everyday....realizing even little things with great love is GRAND.  In hindsight my truest rest has come from resting in Jesus...wanting His Name to be placed next to mine....to overshadow mine. Take mine.  Knowing He can give much more than i can...to myself that needs much and to this world that needs much.

These hours are precious. Each day is a different gift.

Tonight Amos came up to Kevin and i, wanting to reenact his 3 year old doctor appointment. Except this time we were gonna be the patients in pain and he would be the doctor.

He got us ready on the couch and told us he was gonna prick our fingers. He said  "it dont hurts".....i asked "Are you sure it's not gonna hurt?" and then he changed his mind and said "Yes it do's".....Kevin pretended to cry and Amos got in his face tenderly and said  softly " no, It don't hurts"..... this went on and on.. back and forth..yes, it will hurt, not it won't...

Oh this life...parenthood..... sometimes "it dont hurts"  and sometimes...."yes, it do's"
but i'd have it no other way. At least today i can say that.

As i type, i hear one of the boys fall out of their bed while asleep. Thank GOD it was the younger one on the lower bunk. He will make his way back in the bed....i'm getting more laid back about some things...and yet, not about other things i guess.

and here i am reading this book i never thought i would want to read called:

 "A Joyful Mother of Children..by Linda Eyre. It's 30 years old....i found it at the thrift store and  grabbed it up. Then i promptly put it away in a cabinet for 5 years...and here i am reading it. loving it.

I am many things: A girl, a daughter,  a sister, a wife, a writer, a worrier, a glass sorta empty type, a creative soul that wishes she paid more attention to detail, a singer if just in the shower these days, a dreamer more than doer im afraid, a friend, a student of life,  and much more that is and will be.....but i am also a " mama". ....and  very proud to be.


Ariana said...

Oh Mandy, this has been on my heart today too! Matt and I were just discussing this morning how being a stay at home mama has required me to lay down so much of my 'eternal dreams', but that though I miss it, I love it. Sing in that shower, girl! I'm glad to hear of your peaceful heart.

Lora said...

you articulated in this post so much of what i am going through, too. thank you for being so real and transparent, for reminding me yet again that my joy is found in Him, in being a wife and mommy...
ps-i still love listening to your cd. it blesses me so much! :)